


Father of Mine

by WriterKC



Category: House of Anubis, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe, Case Fic, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossover, F/M, Family Secrets, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterKC/pseuds/WriterKC
Summary: Spinoff of the fanfic Scarred by Definitionofawriter. Detectives Benson and Stabler of the San Diego Special Victims Unit take over the high profile child abuse case against a California defense attorney who is only known for his alias 'Mr. Martin', and a startling discovery into the past reopens a 32 year old case that makes both Nina and Olivia question everything. Fabina and EO
Relationships: Nina Martin & Fabian Rutter, Olivia Benson & Elliot Stabler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Scarred](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/682159) by definitionofawriter. 



> A/N: This story is a crossover spinoff of the House of Anubis Fanfiction: Scarred by Definitionofawriter. However, for my SVU friends who haven't read it, this also reads as a SVU casefic with OC's. For anyone that has read it, it picks up after chapter sixty when Nina was rushed to the hospital. If you've watched SVU, this story is the investigation part of the case leading up to the trial which has already been written in Scarred, but with my own spin on it like Lewis's trial in For Better or Worse.
> 
> For the SVU part of this: setting is season eight so the character's ages make since with the plot. Elliot is divorced; Kathy took his kids and moved to Florida with her new boyfriend. Olivia and Elliot have been together ever since she returned from Oregon. We will say they got together after the episode Burned. The situation with Simon and the Hollister case is still going on as well. Main difference is in this story, to fit with the plot of Scarred, the precinct/squad is in California instead of New York.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the plot of Scarred. Although some things in this story will be a little different, the idea belongs to Definitionofawriter. I also don't own House of Anubis or Law and order SVU because if I did, Fabina and Bensler would have been together, and Nina and Elliot would never have left those shows. Title 'Father of Mine' is based on the song by Everclear which I heard in the car yesterday while planning out my ideas for this.
> 
> Warning: This story is dark because of the plot of 'Scarred', and the nature of the cases/investigations the Special Victims Unit handles. Mentions of child physical and sexual abuse, attempted murder, and descriptions of injuries as well as PTSD are included, and may be triggering to some. Similar to For Better or Worse for my SVU readers, there will be nothing super graphic as most of this story deals with the aftermath. However, I will note if there are certain scenes that are more on the graphic side. Please proceed with caution.
> 
> Additional A/N: This is the 2020 edit.
> 
> If you have not read Scarred, but seen House of Anubis, this first part picks up where chapter 60 of that story ended and is in Fabian's POV. If you're just an SVU reader, you can think of this as the opening of an episode.

I opened the door, and then another. A bathroom, a guest room, the laundry room. "NINA! NINA, CALL OUT!" Her stepfather seemed to get more panicked with each step I took and I hoped that meant I was heading in the right direction. There was one door left, at the end of the hall, with a door that was unlike the others.

"Fabian Rutter, freeze right there!" he shouted, but he was too late, I'd already opened the door.

And a part of me wished I hadn't.

Years from now, I knew I would still remember the stench of the room with a startling clarity. It reeked of piss and crap, of puke, of death. It was rancid, and I would've turned away if not for the sight before me.

"Holy shit."

Nina was lying unconscious on the bed. Her shirt was shredded, revealing more of her body than I'd ever seen, and she wasn't wearing pants. Her left arm was twisted in a very unnatural way, and bruises littered her face. Blood was caked under her, painted on her chest and stomach, plastered in her hair. I couldn't tell one injury from the other, and I had to blink to assure myself that it was real.

A hand came down hard on my shoulder, but I yanked away from it and released the tie on my guitar strap almost by instinct. "Get the hell out of here! I'm handling this. She's going to be fine, Rutter. I was patching her up before you came in all white knight style." He sneered.

"You sick bastard! I'm not going anywhere!"

When he lunged for me, my own pocketknife in hand that I'd given to Nina, I swung like there was no tomorrow.

The guitar smashed right into his side and sent him a few steps back, but another slam later and he was on the floor in the hallway. The guitar splintered, large cracks appearing in its side and I raised it again, again. It came down on his chest so hard that the bottom half of it shattered into countless strips of wood, and I relished in his scream.

Mark and Haru, who hadn't yet made it into Nina's room, were staring at me. I'd knocked him nearly unconscious in 15 seconds tops. "It was the only useful weapon I could bring with me on the plane," I spat. "How's that for a reason?"

My hands were shaking, and Haru gripped my arm tightly. "Fabian, leave him. Nina matters more. We'll handle him." Her name didn't calm me, only sent me into a larger panic. I just spent a minute saving our lives from him instead of saving her. I raced back into the room, and I could hear the boys' gasps behind me as they saw her for the first time.

"Nina?" I dove for the bed, climbing onto it and cringing as the blood soaked into my pants. "Nina, speak to me, darling." I pressed my fingers to the underside of her jaw, and I might have cried out when I felt a very faint, very weak pumping against my fingers. There was a slow, shallow rise and fall of her chest, and each breath was ragged.

"Rutter, you need to leave," the stepfather said from the hallway, still down on the ground. "I can heal her just fine. She's had worse injuries before."

I may have snarled at him. "I called 911 just before I got here. I figured you'd at least beat her up. They'll be here any minute." I couldn't see his face, but I knew what it had to look like.

"You didn't."

"I. Did."

A second later, he was scrambling to get onto his feet. Just as quickly, Mark and Haru were onto him, dragging him into the room. "Put him in the closet," I snapped, jerked my head at the door so I didn't have to take my hands away from what I was doing. My shirt was off and torn in a few pieces and I was pressing two to the worst of the wounds. I heard the open of a door, a thump, a cry, and a door closing. "Mark, find me some towels. Haru, call 911 again and see if you can rush that ambulance." They left, and I was alone with her once more.

"Nina," I called. "NINA." I lifted her into my arms as gently as I could, and the pain seemed to rouse her a little. She groaned a little. "Nina, wake up, please. You have to wake up!"

Her eyes opened, but there was no recognition in them when they focused on me. I thought I heard sirens in the distance, but I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not. Mark tossed me a couple of towels and left again, saying something that I didn't hear.

"You have to stay alive, yeah? The police are coming, and they'll take you to the hospital and they'll get you patched up and you'll be okay and you can come back to Anubis House with me. You'll never have to go back to your stepfather, never," I rambled. "I promise. You just have to keep breathing. Do you hear that, Nina? Stay. Alive." My words were slurring together in my panic. The sirens had gotten louder, and I hoped that meant they were real.

Nina's eyes closed again.

"NINA!" I shouted, and her eyes rolled open again. Tears were pooling in her eyes, and there was still no light of familiarity in them. "Stay awake. Please. For me. I'm Fabian, remember? I'm your best friend. I've been there for you for everything and I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you this time. I'm the one who values your life far more than my own. I'm the one who loves you."

The tears spilled, and her previously blank expression was filled with pain. "Fabian…" My name from her mouth, as always, was the sweetest music I'd ever heard. I gripped her hand in mine.

"I love you. I love you, and I won't let you be taken away from me. I'm sorry I never told you. I tried, but it was never the right time." A door banged against the wall somewhere. The sirens had become deafening. "I love you, Nina."

Her eyes glossed over, and the quick moment where she'd seen me was gone. "I tried," she rasped weakly. "Everything dies. Everything ends."

People flooded the room before I could form a response. Somewhere in my hazy mind, I recognized them as police, and I cried out in relief. "Please, you need to help her. She's dying."

She's dying.

One of them turned on their walkie talkie. "We need a stretcher in here ASAP. We have a girl who's in critical condition."

No, they won't be able to get the stretcher in her fast enough. We need to get her to the hospital now. And with that thought, I mentally apologized to Nina and stood, pressing her tighter against my chest. Her broken arm hung limply, swinging with the movements.

She didn't cry out.

And she wasn't breathing.

They were still pulling the stretcher out of the ambulance when I made it out of the house. I shook my head frantically, motioning for them to pull it back in. I climbed into the back and laid her on it.

"Fabian!" Mark called from the front steps. "Are you going with her?"

I nodded and thought as quickly as I could while they strapped her in. "Stay and tell them what happened here. Only about here. We need lawyers for Nina before delving further back. " The words poured out of me, but my brain was a constant Nina Nina Nina that drowned all other thoughts.

Mark nodded solemnly just as they shut the doors on us, and I saw Haru take him into his arms and hug him. Then the vehicle was taking off, and they were gone from sight.

I watched with weary eyes as they scrambled to wrap still-bleeding wounds and make sure her heart kept beating. At some point what remained of her clothes was taken off, but I barely noticed. Her breathing returned, but then it was lost again. When they parked and took her out, I saw my legs moving, running after them, running after her, but I didn't feel them. There was a trail of blood left behind, and I wasn't sure if I was bleeding or if Nina was still losing more blood.

She still wasn't breathing. And they'd lost her heartbeat.

What I did hear was the nurse's words when I tried to follow them into ICU.

"I'm sorry young man, but you can't go in there." Her voice was full of pity, but I could care less. I have to get in there.

"Please, you don't… understand. I… she… I love her. She… needs me. I… need… her." My words were punctuated with sharp gasps. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs and the world was blurring. "P-Please, I need to… get in."

She sighed. "I truly am sorry, but you can't- oh!" I lost control of my body, and my knees collapsed from below my, bringing me to the floor with a loud crack as my head rebounded against the tile. I should've seen the nurse's shoes, the hospital floor, but I didn't.

All I saw was Nina, lying in her own pool of blood on her bed, whose last thought had likely been of how alone she was when she died.

And it was the last thing I saw before the claws of unconsciousness dragged me into its dark waters.

**One-Six Precinct: San Diego, California Special Victims Unit**

Olivia Benson signed a page of the mountain of paperwork she and her partner Elliot Stabler had been working on all morning before reaching over to his desk to steal a fry from his plate.

"Hey! Why is it that your cravings are always whatever is on _my_ plate?" He teased, peering over at her with his 'Stabler smirk'. She glared at him.

"Because I wouldn't be _having_ them if it weren't for you, so the least you can do is share. Besides, I already ate my lunch, and yours tastes better," She smirked back while taking a whole bite of his sandwich.

"You are an evil, evil woman."

"Great choice of words from a man who wants to sleep on the couch tonight," He was about to respond when Captain Don Cragen rushed out of his office looking stressed.

"You two can figure out your sleeping arrangements later. You won't be going home for a while."

"New case?" He nodded grimly.

"You need to get to Greenview Hospital as fast as you can. The suspect is already in custody, and Munch and Fin are on their way to pick him up."

"The victim?"

"Fighting for her life," He looked at Elliot before responding. He knew this would hit the devoted, extremely protective father of four, and the expecting father of one like a ton of bricks. He also knew that his detective would put his job on the line for this case. "Elliot-"

"It's a kid isn't it? Cap, we've had cases like this before. I can handle it."

"The last time you had a case that was even close to this bad your kids weren't several states away from you, and you didn't have a pregnant girlfriend."

"You want to argue that this is too personal for us Cap? I'm the one who's pregnant!" Olivia responded in defense of her partner.

"You two are the best for her to have on her side, but I'm just warning you in advance. IAB is allowing me to let you two remain partners as long as your personal circumstances don't interfere with your ability to do your job," He handed them a slip of paper with the room number on it. "Don't make me regret giving you this case," He swallowed hard before continuing.

"Victim is a 16 year old girl named Nina Martin. She was beaten within an inch of her life by her stepfather. Witnesses say he flew to England where she was attending boarding school and kidnapped her."

"She's Kathleen's age." Elliot had to choke down the nausea building in his throat. Olivia looked at her partner and knew he was working hard to control the fury growing inside him. She squeezed his hand before turning to the captain.

"Custody battle? Child abuse?"

"How'd he get her all the way from England without raising suspicions?"

"You're the detectives. Find out and then nail this piece of crap."

They made it to the car and sped out of the parking lot. Elliot's hands were on the steering wheel in a death grip.

"Her stepfather!? What kind of sick-"

"I don't think we are ever going to understand the 'why' in these cases, El. I don't think anyone can."

"How are you feeling? Do you need-"

"I'm fine, El. I'm not that far along yet. The doctor said I could keep working for now but just to be careful," He leaned over once they parked and planted a gentle kiss on her belly.

"I know. I just want you both safe and healthy," He leaned back up to kiss her and rested his forehead against hers.

"I love you two so much," The reality of the case was setting in hard like it always did when kids were involved.

"We love you more. Don't we, little one? Can you say hello to your daddy?" She felt a little flutter in her stomach right under Elliot's hand, and kissed him quickly one last time before they got out of the car and rushed into the hospital. They could be Elliot and Olivia at home later; for now Benson and Stabler were needed on the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: This was just an introductory chapter. The next chapter will be longer and will have other HOA/Scarred characters as the squad continues the investigation.
> 
> Let me know what you think


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the 2020 edit.
> 
> Warning: This story is dark because of the plot of 'Scarred', and the nature of the cases/investigations the Special Victims Unit handles. This chapter and the one after in particular contain a further description of her injuries, and an intense interrogation scene which may be triggering for some. If so, I would recommend skipping over the last part of this one and the first part of the next one. Read with caution.

**Greenview Hospital Trauma Unit**

The hospital was a madhouse. Phones were ringing off the hook, Doctors and nurses were rushing up and down the hallway, patients with life-threatening injuries were being rolled in like clockwork, as their families gathered in the waiting room. Some were crying, some looked shocked, but it was the young man who rushed up to them the minute they showed their badges to the receptionist who caught their full attention. He was out of breath and shaking like he had just run a marathon. His eyes were bloodshot. He looked terrified and crippled with worry.

"E-excuse me?" His nerves made his British accent thicker. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Are you the detectives for Nina Martin's case?" Saying her name felt like a punch of fear to the gut. He had no idea what was going on with her now. He had passed out in the hospital and hadn't been told anything despite begging to see her. Responding in the professional, but reassuring tone she was trained to use when speaking with family members of the victims, Olivia turned to the young man.

"Yes, I'm Detective Benson, and this is my partner Detective Stabler We're from the Special Victims Unit."

"Special Victims? So you're not affiliated with the precinct her stepfather works cases with? You're not going to try to let him off or-"

"Only thing I want to let that piece of scum off right now is the roof of our precinct in the middle of rush hour traffic, but my Captain would have my shield. Elliot Stabler, the SVU hothead, and you are?" The two shook hands firmly as if signing a contract, vowing to protect Nina at all costs, no matter what it took.

"Fabian Rutter: the guy who would gladly help you throw him off the roof." He growled in a mix of fear and rage. Olivia rolled her eyes at the 'manly banter', but all three understood the seriousness of the case, so she continued.

"Mr. Rutter-" Hearing the woman in front of him call him 'Mr.', like Nina had to with men like her stepfather for so many years, caused bile to rise in the back of his throat, and he swallowed hard. Olivia noted the way he had to squeeze his eyes shut before responding, as if blocking out a memory that physically pained him.

"Please, call me Fabian. After everything her stepfather made her say to him-" He shook his head in anger and disgust towards the man responsible for the suffering of the woman he loved. "If I hear one more 'sir' or 'mr' I'm going to lose it. Please," Olivia nodded in understanding. Her heart was breaking at the pain the man was in, and even more at the knowledge of what Nina must have gone through.

"You can call me Olivia then," She gave him a small, reassuring smile before continuing.

"Fabian, our captain told us that Nina had been attending boarding school in England. Is that where you know her from?" Ok, he thought, at least the easy questions are first.

"Yes, it's her first year. We go to an art school, and Nina was accepted on scholarship for a project she did. We both live in Anubis House."

"Can you think of anything she may have told you that could explain why her stepfather did this?" Fabian looked around, knowing that the hard questions needed to be answered, but wanting to give Nina the courtesy of privacy. He didn't want to betray her trust by letting more people know than necessary.

"Would you mind if we continued this conversation somewhere else? I don't want to leave her in case something happens, but-"

"Why don't we go down to our car? That way you'll still be close to the hospital, but it will be easier for us to talk?" Elliot suggested. Fabian took one last hesitant glance in the direction Nina was rushed in by the doctors. He didn't want to leave her for even a few minutes. He wanted to shield her from any more danger, protect her like he had promised…and failed. He watched every doctor pass by, wishing one of them would tell him if she was even still alive.

He knew though that the only way he could help her right now was to talk to the detectives, and make sure her stepfather paid for what he did to make sure he could never hurt her again.

"M-Fabian-" Elliot caught himself. He had a dark feeling he wouldn't want to be referred to as 'Mr.' or 'sir' either after this case based on the young man's reaction to the title earlier. "I promise this won't take long. We just have a few questions," Fabian nodded before another thought struck him.

"Please tell me you caught him. Tell me he's-"

"Two of our co-workers have him in their custody and are taking him back to the station."

"Thank god."

"I promise you that we will do everything we can to make sure Nina is safe and never has to see her stepfather again, that he's locked up for good, and that she can stay at your school. But, we are going to need your help."

"Of-of course. Whatever you need."

**X**

As long as he lived, Fabian Rutter didn't think he would ever be able to think about everything the girl who had become his best friend had gone through without breaking down and getting sick to his stomach. He didn't think he'd ever get the horrifying images from his mind.

Having to recount out loud the years of abuse and torture Nina endured at the hands of the man who was supposed to care for her like a father should to the detectives felt like a dagger to his heart.

He made no attempt at hiding his tears or his anger as he detailed an outline of the things he had learned since meeting Nina. How traumatized she had been when she first arrived, that her stepfather had attacked her when visiting her both times, and that the horrific abuse had gone on since she was 4.

Fabian wasn't ready to show them the contents of the folder of evidence he had gathered yet. The one that Nina had gotten so upset with him for having without her knowledge. He wanted to respect her wishes. After all, there was still a chance she could survive and if so, she deserved to have control over who saw that folder. Although he would encourage her to at least allow him to discuss parts of it since it would help make the case against her stepfather stronger, but he knew at the end of the day that it was _her_ story to tell. Not his.

Nausea that had been building finally crept up into his throat, and sent him racing for the bathroom. He hadn't eaten since he was on the plane. The thought of food when Nina had most likely been starved during the week her stepfather had held her captive made him sick.

What added to his already sick feeling was seeing a trauma surgeon walking towards him. There was blood on his scrubs that had no doubt came from a patient, and from the way the man was looking at him, he knew exactly who that patient was.

"Nina Martin's family?"

"Yes?" Fabian was on his feet immediately. Blood or not he _was_ her family, and god help this man if he withheld information from him just because he wasn't an actual relative. He wanted to scoff at the irony. The only man who was considered her relative or guardian didn't deserve that title, ever.

"How are you related sir?" He could have punched him right then.

"I'm her boyfriend, Fabian Rutter, please just tell me she's alive. Tell me she'll be ok!"

Emotionally he knew that the idea of Nina being 'ok' was wishful thinking, and it definitely would not happen overnight. But physically? Physically she _had_ to be ok, she _had_ to be alive. Because he didn't think, no he _knew_ he would never forgive himself if he lost her. He would never forgive himself if she had died and never heard him tell her he loved her when she was fighting to stay alive at that house. He would never forgive himself if her last memory was of pain and fear, instead of being held in the arms of someone who loved her. He also knew that the idea of having to go on in a world without Nina by his side was something he wouldn't recover from.

"It was touch and go for a while, but we got her heartbeat back. She's alive," Fabian felt like he could pass out from relief

"Thank god. I need to see her. Please let me see her."

"You will be able to once she's safe to transport to ICU, but I need to warn you about something first," The seriousness in the surgeon's tone caused Fabian to swallow a lump in his throat, and the next sentence caused him to stop breathing.

"Due to the seriousness of her injuries we had to place Miss Martin in a medically induced coma."

"A c-coma? She's in a coma?"

"She will wake up eventually, but it may take a couple weeks for her body to recover enough. She needs time to rest."

"But-but you think she's going to be ok?"

"She has a long road of recovery ahead of her, but eventually I believe she will be."

Despite the fear and hardships he knew were ahead, it was the best thing Fabian had heard since arriving in California just over twenty four hours ago.

**X**

The drive back to the precinct was silent. Elliot's barely restrained anger at the perp they were on their way to question had already been taken out on a man sitting in the lobby who asked if Olivia was single, and a driver on the highway that "had the audacity to cut off a car with two cops in it, and then slow down to seven miles under the speed limit for fifteen minutes," which made the drive even longer.

Olivia cradled their unborn baby. She rested her hands protectively on the bump as she often did after a case involving children since finding out she was pregnant. It was her way of shielding them from the horrors of the world. A steady stream of tears fell from her eyes, and she made no effort to hide them after what they had heard from Fabian, and then from Nina's doctor. The knowledge that she herself would become a mother in just a few months made the case even more heartbreaking. At work she would try to be the tough, professional cop she always was. She would channel her anger and sorrow into fighting for the victims, and making sure the perps are left to rot.

In the safety of the squad car though, with her partner; the man she loved and the father of her baby by her side, she allowed herself time to grieve. Elliot said nothing. He simply parked, squeezed her hand, and kissed her lightly on the head three times. It was his way of saying 'I love you' without words because neither one of them knew what to say at that moment. They both just wanted to get inside. Despite the intense hatred they felt for the man currently being held in their interrogation room, they knew they had to talk to him to move forward with the investigation. They had to do this, every painful step, for Nina, because as they often responded when asked how they do their jobs everyday: 'someone had to.'

"Alright, where is this creep? He lawyered up yet?" were the first words out of Elliot's mouth when the partners entered the squad room.

"He claims he doesn't need one because he _is_ one, and apparently thinks he can justify away all his crimes," Fin responded and Elliot cracked his knuckles, sending an angry look in the direction of the interrogation room.

"Let me guess. The old 'she needed to be disciplined' defense?"

John Munch looked up from his computer and peered at the other three detectives over his glasses.

"He tried giving us a sob story on the ride to the station about how his stepdaughter drove him to drink out of grief because she killed his wife. When she was 4."

"You've gotta be freaking kidding me."

"Oh yeah. He was whining about how he wanted to make her suffer the way he suffered, blah blah blah. Oh, and he wants to press charges against her boyfriend. He says he has injuries from being attacked with a guitar."

"I'd like to give the kid a medal. Then go in there and make those wounds feel like paper cuts. Just give me 10 minutes in there with that psycho. I swear to god," Elliot growled and Olivia, though wanting to join her partner rather than stop him, put a hand on his shoulder. She could feel his muscles relax under her touch.

"So how on earth does he claim a _four-year-old_ killed her mother?" Olivia exclaimed with a protective hand resting on her stomach again to shelter her own child.

"Cause he's a lunatic. He said Nina made his wife late for a meeting, and she was killed in a car crash by a drunk driver, who was never caught," Munch turned back to his computer and typed a few things before speaking again. "If only there was some kind of technology for the government to keep a record of our pasts," The other detectives rolled their eyes at the man known as SVU's 'conspiracy nut', but Olivia and Elliot still walked over to his desk to see what he found. Their Captain joined them a moment later.

"I'll call Dr. Huang; find out just how much he thinks this guy's _really_ grieving. Benson, Stabler, go in there and grill him…but Olivia, be careful. If he's sadistic enough to torture his own stepchild I don't think he'd have a problem hurting a pregnant cop-"

"Cap, just let me do my job. I can take care of myself, and besides Elliot will be with me."

"Elliot as much as I wouldn't mind giving that creep a few bruises myself, remember what I said about IAB."

"Yeah I will. No promises…but I'll try to keep him conscious." Elliot turned back for a moment as they started to walk away. "If he so much as looks at Olivia funny though-" She rolled her eyes at his overprotectiveness which had only gotten stronger since they became a couple.

The two partners printed off the page Munch found, picked up a file from Fin's desk, and headed to the interrogation room.

**X**

A half hour after learning that Nina was placed under a medically induced coma Fabian found himself in a chair next to her bed. He rooted himself to the spot knowing that it would take nothing short of physical force to make him leave her room.

She had injuries everywhere and he was almost afraid to hold her hand, wondering if that would cause her more pain _._ She had lost way too much blood. She had tubes sticking out from various spots of her body, and she was restrained to the bed with cuffs so she didn't injure herself further. Her right arm and left leg were in a cast, and her doctor had told the detectives this was one of the worst child abuse cases he had seen in his almost twenty years on the job.

He knew they had to ask for their case, and there were parts he already knew, but it was still sickening to hear.

Her body was still littered with scars, new and old. Nail marks and cigarette burns were fresh, leading SVU to request a rape kit done to collect evidence and link her stepfather to the crime.

His heart stopped when the doctor said the kit showed evidence of not only past childhood trauma, confirming Fabian's statement that the beatings and starvation had been going on for twelve years, and the sexual abuse since she was ten, but repeated and severe recent traumatic injury to her pelvis and vaginal cavity. He couldn't bring himself to even _think_ about what that meant. The kit also found DNA which the detectives asked to be sent to the lab as procedure, even though they already knew exactly who was responsible. Fabian almost smirked at the fact that her stepfather, who wanted everyone to think he knew how to get away with anything, was too dumb to make any effort to hide his DNA. He could see the partners looking at each other thinking the same thing he was: "yeah, we got him".

It had only been a week, and she reminded him of the way she looked when she first arrived at Anubis: broken. She had been starved again and likely hadn't had anything since when they ate breakfast together that morning before his parents picked him up for winter break.

He almost turned away to wipe his tears until he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

Her finger twitched.

He knew it would still be awhile before she woke up completely, but that one movement, the first sign of life he'd seen from her in way too long for his comfort was enough for him to release a sob from his gut. He leaned down, pressed a gentle, feather light kiss to her hand, and let his tears flow freely. Tears of worry, tears of guilt at not saving her sooner, tears of relief that she was alive.

He sniffled, whispered a quiet "I love you", and finally fell into an emotionally exhausted, and much-needed sleep. His chair was pulled as close to her bed as possible, and he didn't leave the whole night. Even when the Doctors came to check her vitals and announce that visiting hours were over.

No, he wasn't leaving her. Not this time.

Fabian Rutter was never leaving Nina Martin's side again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I decided that the interrogation scene should have its own chapter because a lot goes down. Plus I ended the last chapter with Bensler, so I'm giving this ending to Fabina.
> 
> Next: Dr. Huang's evaluation leads the detectives to dig further into the stepfather's past and a discovery is made, Fabian notifies Mark, Haru, and the other Anubis housemates on Nina's condition, Elliot finds a way to get in touch with his kids but doesn't like what he hears, and something happens during the interrogation that may result in tragedy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the 2020 edit
> 
> Warning: This story is dark because of the plot of 'Scarred', and the nature of the cases/investigations the Special Victims Unit handles. This chapter centers around the interrogation scene which includes mentions of domestic physical and sexual abuse. Some parts may be triggering. Read with caution.

FBI's forensic Psychiatrist and Criminal Profiler, Dr. George Huang, joined Captain Donald Cragen in his office to observe Benson and Stablers' latest interrogation to find out what kind of perp they were dealing with. Detectives John Munch and Fin Tutuola were on their lunch break and would be on desk duty when they returned. Their duty was to research other possible leads that may assist in the interrogation and the case overall.

In the interrogation room, Detectives Benson and Stabler were finding it challenging to not take any actions that would get them suspended before they even had the chance to talk to the perp.

"Oh good, you're here. Maybe we can get this misunderstanding all cleared up. You can start by charging the Rutter boy for doing this to me and kidnapping my daughter," He pointed to the cuts on his face made by the guitar being slammed on his head. "Then after that we can get some lunch as I have the afternoon off. My treat?" Olivia swallowed the vomit building in her throat at his grin as he stood up and held his hand out to shake hers. Elliot grabbed him by his collar and slammed him back into his chair.

"Misunderstanding huh? Let me explain something to you, counselor!" He spat out the word venomously. "My partner and I couldn't give a crap about your career or your reputation, and we aren't your little puppets that will come to your defense at beck and call because you've won hard cases like your buddies from the 2-7. We aren't gullible enough to feel sorry for you, or buy any of the sob story BS you fed to Detective Munch. Maybe that guitar banged your head a little too hard, and you lost some of your hearing, so let me tell you how things work around here," He grabbed him by his collar again. His whole body was shaking with anger, and he spoke in a low growl.

"You're gonna sit in that chair, and you're going to keep your mouth shut unless you're asked a question. Our Captain is outside with a shrink to tell us just how screwed up you are, while our colleagues track down any other leads so we can make sure you never see the light of the day again. If you try to pretend Detective Benson and I are your 'old buddies' or whatever sick charm crap you're playing right now again, I promise you that you'll be in so much pain that those guitar wounds will feel like paper cuts, and you'll wanna thank _that Rutter boy_ for going _easy_ on you. We don't play your sick games in _our_ precinct. You got me?" Olivia leaned down next to Elliot.

"You know I thought my partner had his anger problems under control, but I guess I was wrong," Elliot smirked.

"Trust me, I've had a rough couple of weeks."

"Seriously, he will break your arm," Olivia warned.

He moved to lunge for Elliot realizing that his façade wasn't going to work this time, but was slightly weaker due to his injuries. He was quickly restrained by Olivia handcuffing him to the table. Before either partner could continue he looked straight at Elliot as if he was doing his _own_ psych eval.

"You know it's funny. I don't think you realize that we aren't that different Detective Stabler," He spat. Olivia pulled the chain of the handcuffs hard knowing it would cause pain to Mr. Martin's wrists.

"No, no wait Liv I gotta hear this one. How do you figure that Mr. Martin? Cause I gotta tell you I've heard that before, and I think it's a load of crap-"

"You're angry; aren't you Elliot?" Elliot responded by grabbing the back of his neck and slamming his forehead on the table.

"It's _Detective Stabler_ to you."

"See, we both want that respect and when-"

"No, you don't get to do this. You don't get to equate _my_ anger at scum like you with what you did to your stepdaughter just because we are in a similar _job field-"_

"I work in the DA's office, _detective_ ," The stepfather sneered. "I've seen your file. Gordon Rickett's case? Poor guy. I should have been his attorney, not that sleazy Langan. There was some police brutality involved if I recall. _He_ sensed your rage like I can. You're no better than we are _Elliot,"_ Elliot picked up a nearby chair and raised it near his head.

"Uh-uh, detective," He replied in a mocking tone. "As I recall you told Mr. Rickett that he needed to learn to _control_ his anger. I'm curious, how's that working out for you?" Before Elliot could hit him with the chair, Cragen barged in.

"Elliot! Kathy's on the phone."

"I'll call her back later," Cragen gave him an 'I'm trying to keep you out of trouble in more ways than one' look and replied

"For your sake, I think you should talk to her now."

"Fine, but we're not done here," He threw the chair back down and sent one last glare in the stepfather's direction before leaving the room.

**X**

"Quite a partner you got there, Liv was it?"

"Did I ask you to speak?"

"He's out of control. I must say I'm a little concerned for your well-being sweetheart," The sickly grin returned to his face.

"Shut up!" She sneered.

"Does he scare you, Liv? Does he ever get rough with you? They should change his name to 'unstabler'. The man's a little off his rocker. if you could even call him a man."

"It's _Detective Benson_ to you."

"Detective Benson, huh? Look at that. A woman thinking she can talk down on and demand respect from a man. You've got more balls than your partner lady."

"Are you kidding me right now?" She scoffed at his misogynistic tone. "I thought I told you to shut up!"

"I know a thing or two about you as well _O-liv-ia._ " He over pronounced her name in a patronizing tone.

"You know the only thing stopping me from putting a bullet in your skull right now-" She was cut off by Mr. Martin bursting into laughter.

"Like _you'd_ actually go through with it. You and that whack job partner of yours are the most spineless people in this city."

It wasn't his tone of voice or words that made her uneasy. She had been the only female cop in the unit for 8 years. She was no stranger to sly, sexist comments, especially from the perps they dealt with. What made her uneasy was when she leant down and got a good look at him for the first time. The eyes that stared back at her, the tone of his skin, and the lazy smirk on his face were so hauntingly similar to her own. It made her uneasy because her mother used to say that she looked more like _him_ than her. The tall height, the dark hair, the brown eyes, and the smirk that any time Olivia showed before making a sarcastic comment to her mother used to send the older woman into a fit of rage, and caused Olivia to need stitches more than once. What added to the uneasy feeling was the way the man only known as 'Mr. Martin' appeared to see right through her.

 _"I know a thing or two about you as well O-liv-ia,"_ The man before her had said just a few moments ago, and it had sent a shiver through her spine. She tried to shake the feeling off for now, thinking she had been hallucinating. _He's trying to get in your head. He's a lawyer. He's clever. He's not the first perp to do that. You saw the death certificate. You heard what Simon said. Relax. Do this for Nina. Focus on Nina._ Still, a part of her wanted Elliot to come back in the room with her. She wanted the Captain to come in and tell her that she had been on her feet for too long, and to let Munch and Fin take over the interrogation. She wanted whoever the ADA would be to walk into the room and introduce themselves. She wanted the lab to call with a piece of evidence she needed to see. She wanted Huang to come in and say that he needed to ask Mr. Martin a few questions himself for the psych eval.

She could see that the stepfather was taunting her and daring her to show weakness, but she couldn't back down. No, that wasn't her. She wouldn't let him win.

"You're quite the actor huh, Mr. Martin? Have you ever taken a class?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," He replied smugly.

"You think you're pretty clever too, but I can see right through your filthy persona. I happen to know a thing or two about you as well," He looked proud.

"I'm a man who knows how to get respect unlike your insane partner out there. He's an animal. He thinks he's strong, but it's crap-"

"But you _are_ huh? How strong do you have to be to torture your own stepdaughter for twelve years?" She raised her voice an octave, willing it not to shake as she stared him down again. "What kind of man does that Mr. Martin? A smart man or a sick man? Somebody intelligent or an animal? _A man with no control!"_

"You better shut up-"

"Or what? You gonna teach me a lesson? Beat me until I don't speak for twelve years? Beat me till I am in a coma? Torture me till I tell you I'll do what you want? Till every inch of my body is covered with scars, so I never forget what will happen if I disobey? Until I tell you I'll be a good girl!?" She slapped him hard across the face.

"You know someone really oughta-"

"Lock me in a closet? Deprive me of food until I 'respect' you? Whip me with your belt till I get on my knees and cater to every sick, twisted, need you have!? You wanna make a _real_ woman out of me don't you Mr. Martin? You want to traumatize me into submission, into your idea of obedience, like you did to Nina!" She was screaming at him now, spitting out the words with a venomous rage as she slapped the crime scene photos on the table in front of him. "Go ahead! Show me! Show me what a man you are, you sick son of a bitch! Let's see what you've got, huh? Show me!"

She was shaking and knew that she was taking a risk by unlocking his handcuffs, but her mind was spinning with her earlier observation. She has to prove she's strong. She can't show him that he's getting to her. _Someone get in here and interrupt us. NOW._

"Liv!" _Oh, thank god._ Her captain barged in with a brief warning of "cool it down" before closing the door.

Her vision was getting blurry, a dangerous sign of high blood pressure, and she knew she had to be careful. She had to protect yet another child from being hurt by this monster.

"Yeah, Liv," He taunted, smirking at her. "Why don't you just relax _darling_? Let's just have a nice chat," She could feel the bile rising in her throat. She had never hated Kathy more at that moment for calling because she wanted, no she _needed_ Elliot to get off the phone and come back into the room. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to be in the same room with this man.

"You wanna talk huh? Fine," She slapped another document on the table in front of him. "You can start by telling me why you killed your wife."

His eyes narrowed and he responded in a low growl, "How dare you! My wife died in a car crash because of that worthless, weak little girl you're protecting!" His voice shook with anger, but she knew. She knows that the 'grief' he was trying to portray was an act. He had lost his biggest defense thanks to Detective John Munch's conspiracy-loving mind. Thanks to the document he found that she slapped on the table.

**X**

Outside the interrogation room, Elliot Stabler had finished a stressful phone conversation with his ex-wife, and moved to where Cragen and Huang were observing. He was about to go back in, feeling guilty for leaving Olivia alone in there, but the captain stopped him.

"She's getting somewhere, El."

"Cap-"

"I know. I'm not thrilled with her being in there right now either, but she's on a roll, and I don't know about you, but I don't wanna be the one to tell Benson to go back to her desk."

"But she-"

"We're watching. If she's in danger we'll get her out of there. We just have to trust her. She wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt your baby Elliot. You know that," He nodded but kept his eyes glued to the sight in front of him. He would carefully watch and protect his partner, and their unborn child through the glass. Ready to barge in if needed.

**X**

"What do you think doc?" Cragen asked Dr. George Huang who was taking notes while observing.

"He's a classic sociopath and narcissist. He thinks he's entitled to whatever he wants, and feeds off the pain and suffering of others. I think he's a sadist, but-"

"Don't tell me you buy his 'grief' crap?" Elliot responded in an exasperated tone.

"Do we know for sure that something really happened to his wife?"

"She was killed in a car crash when Nina was 4 by a drunk driver. That's the year he started abusing her."

Dr. Huang paused for a moment, thinking carefully about his next words.

"Is that when he started drinking too?"

"That's what he says, but that guy…I don't trust a word out of his mouth," Elliot looked at the doctor. "You don't look like you do either?"

"The drunk driver was never caught?"

"No, the case went cold," Dr. Huang nodded and confirmed the same bombshell he could see Olivia about to drop.

"So let's say for a moment that he's grieving. A guy like that? Who hates women with that much fury? I'm not so sure he only started being violent when Nina was 4. Dig into his past; see if you can't find a pattern. My guess? he's grieving out of his own guilt.

**X**

The three men watched in horror as the stepfather, now free of his handcuffs, slipped a careful hand into his pocket, and pulled out the pocketknife that Fabian had given to Nina. Their eyes widen when they see him hide it under the table.

"Cap, you gotta get her out of there!" Elliot exclaimed His heart pounded with panic at the scene in front of him.

"We go in there now and he'll be on to us. He won't think twice about hurting her. Give her a minute; see if she can talk him down. She's a good cop."

"I know she is Don, but she's also the woman I love, the mother of my child, and if something happened to her-"

"Then none of us would ever forgive ourselves, but we're not gonna let that happen," He paused for a minute before turning to face Elliot. "Stand by the door El. Hold on to the knob if you want so you'll be the first one in. Just don't make any noise. We don't want to do anything to provoke him," Elliot swallowed nervously before standing guard at the door of the interrogation room.

**X**

"You're lying! There's nothing there. You're just making excuses for your rage. You're trying to show me that you're better than the weak, whiny little brat you, and Nina and all _women_ are!" He spat.

" _All_ of us huh? Including your wife?" She picked up the document from the table. "Because according to this nifty little police report that conveniently never got filed at the DA's office where _you_ work; 'someone' tampered with the brakes on your wife's car. Know anything about that Mr. Martin?"

"Cars have problems all the time She would have made it to her meeting safely if Nina hadn't been such a-"

"Her meeting? Is that where she told you she was going?" Olivia scoffed in disbelief.

"Well yeah. For work," it was a weak reply. She was breaking him down. He was losing his confidence.

"The cops on the scene were a little suspicious, so they got a warrant to look at her phone. They found a _very_ interesting text message that she sent to you shortly before she left the house."

"That's personal! Between me and my wife! You have no right to read those!"

"Is that why you got your buddies to help you hide it and pretend it never existed? So you could fabricate your own story? So no one would know that on the morning of March 16th _your wife_ told you she had _enough._ She was going to the courthouse and getting a restraining order for her and her daughter, and filing for divorce. She was going to leave you, Mr. Martin! But you weren't having that, so you made sure that she'd crash, _literally_."

"SHUT UP!"

"You disabled the brakes on her car and left in yours. You headed in the direction of the bar, knowing the courthouse was nearby. The courthouse _she_ was going to."

"I'm warning you."

Elliot could see him grip the pocketknife tighter and aim it directly at Olivia's stomach from under the table. He slowly turned the knob, careful not to make any noise that could cause the stepfather to panic and hurt Olivia.

"You're an attorney. You've heard hundreds of cases. You knew _exactly_ how to make it look the way you wanted it to, so you could get away with it."

"I DIDN'T KILL MY WIFE!"

"You watched for her car to come from across the street, and when you saw it you barreled down the road, driving like a _drunk_ would. But no, you were completely sober when you slammed into the side of her car, knowing that she'd be too busy trying to figure out why her brakes suddenly didn't work to see you coming. Then you got out of there as fast as you could. You drove normally so no one would suspect you. You even gave your sob story to your own precinct, to your friends. Of course, they believed you because there was no way they would suspect one of their own would commit such a heinous act."

"I LOVED MY WIFE! I DIDN'T KILL HER! I LOVED HER! SHE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME AND HER STUPID DAUGHTER TOOK THAT AWAY! I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HER A LONG TIME AGO! SHE'S LUCKY I LET HER LIVE AS LONG AS I DID! SHE'S LUCKY SHE MADE IT TO THE HOSPITAL! SHE DESERVES EVERYTHING I DID TO HER AND MORE! SHE SHOULD BE THANKING ME!" He roared, and she stepped back noticing the weapon in his hand for the first time.

"Too weak to hit me with your fists huh? Had to bring in some help?" Inside though, her own confidence was wavering slightly. If it was just her in the room she would have been fine, but she needed to get out of there. She needed to protect her baby. _Elliot, get back in here. NOW!_

"You've got some nerve lady. Coming in here accusing me of killing my wife. Maybe you didn't hear me: I LOVED HER!"

She opened a folder she had placed on the table earlier and picked it up.

"Yeah, you loved her so much that she filed multiple domestic violence complaints. The most recent one two days before the crash."

"She was having a rough time."

"Rough time what? Obeying her man?" She could see the door crack open slightly out of the corner of her eye, and she didn't even have to turn around. She _knew_ it was Elliot. He was quiet, so the stepfather didn't notice him, but the presence of her partner seemed to give her some strength to hold her steady. "What'd she do Mr. Martin? Did she not have a warm meal ready when you came home from work? Was she slacking on the housework? In the bedroom? Did she not have-"

"We just had a little argument," He said through gritted teeth and slowly stood up as if he might lunge at Olivia. Elliot opened the door wider and stepped inside. He still went undetected by the man who was staring her down.

"A little argument?" She took the photos out of the folder and slapped them down on the table. "Doesn't look like that's how it felt to your wife, does it? Says here that on the night in question, you broke her nose, and fractured a rib because she didn't have your clothes clean and ironed for what was apparently a very important closing argument the next day," He looked almost regretful as if he could explain it away once again as a 'misunderstanding.'

"It was one of the toughest cases I've had. I was nervous, and all I wanted was for her to do that one thing. She kept trying to refuse, and said that she doesn't have to take orders from me. I wasn't feeling patient enough to tolerate that disrespect. I lost my temper. That doesn't mean I meant to hurt her and I _definitely_ didn't kill her."

"You're full of excuses aren't ya?" She smirked at him with the same smirk that had haunted her earlier, but quickly turned serious again. "My partner and I…we have hard cases too. It is draining being around scum like you all day, but we talk to each other about it. We don't order each other around, or beat on each other to get what we want! That's the difference, Mr. Martin. You think we're like you because we're angry. You think we're weaker than you because you 'know how to get respect', but _you're_ the weak one here. You have to traumatize someone into respecting you because you can't get it any other way. Sounds like someone with a control problem to me. You have to control people around you to get them to notice you. Why is that Mr. Martin? Why do you hate women so much? Did your mommy not pay enough attention to you when you were little? Or maybe she paid _too much_ attention!?"

"Alright, that's enough out of you!" He lunged at her with the knife in hand, but was quickly slammed against the wall by Elliot.

"You ever touch my partner again, I'll kill you, you got that!?" He growled.

It took Olivia a minute to notice, in the midst of the struggle between Elliot and Mr. Martin, that the knife had clattered to the floor in front of her.

The second thing she noticed was a small amount of pain where she could see the knife cut into her stomach when the stepfather dropped it.

"Liv! Oh god, Liv!" She heard, but her vision was blurry from her blood pressure, which she knew was rising. She stumbled as Captain Cragen, Munch, and Fin came into the room to restrain the stepfather, and take him back to the cell. She felt dizzy and lightheaded as Elliot caught in his arms before she could stumble into the table.

"I NEED A BUS IN HERE!" She could hear commotion, footsteps, voices, but they all seemed distant. She was breathing heavily and was terrified of what was happening.

"Hold on Liv. Just hold on baby. Stay with me. It's alright. You're gonna be alright. Help is on the way," His voice was shaking with worry as he cradled her.

The last thing she saw was her partner's fearful, tear-filled blue eyes before darkness consumed her and she went limp in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: DUN DUN DUN.
> 
> Next: Find out if Olivia and baby Benson-Stabler are ok, we check back in with the HOA side as Fabian notifies the rest of the Anubis crew and Mark and Haru of Nina's condition, and what did Kathy tell Elliot that had him so stressed out?
> 
> Until next time my friends, happy Friday! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the 2020 edit.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Mark or Haru and their storyline as they are original Scarred characters
> 
> Warning: This story is dark because of the plot of Scarred and the nature of the cases/investigations the Special Victims Unit handles. This chapter is a bit lighter than some of the others. However, some parts may still be triggering. Read with caution.

He couldn't sleep.

The images Mark Hampton saw when he, Haru, and Fabian arrived at the house where Nina used to live with her stepfather were burned in his mind. He laid silently, not wanting to disturb the man next to him.

He knew he wouldn't be sleeping though. Not until the girl who had unexpectedly become a good friend woke up in her hospital bed.

Of course, Haru always reminded him that he himself was not a stranger to abuse, having dealt with beatings from his father for years. But when Mark heard everything Nina had been through and saw the condition she was in, it was somehow more horrifying than what his father had done to him.

He had told Haru after the Stepfather's visit during Christmas, the first time the two of them had met the monster, and heard everything Nina went through, that it wasn't the same. He was _beaten, yes, but what she went through was torture._

What he had heard haunted him and made him feel disgusted with himself for his own actions towards her. _All I did was make it worse._ After the Christmas incident, he had struggled to process everything.

This though? Seeing one of his best friends, though he didn't know if she saw him that way yet, barely clinging to life on her bed? Hearing that she was in a coma? That was even more horrifying than just hearing a description of her injuries.

The guilt was back with a force too.

She had told him she forgave him, but he hated that she had to do that. Why did things like this have to happen to someone with such a good heart? She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to be hooked up to _god knows how many_ wires and tubes keeping her alive as she slept.

She didn't deserve the constant pain, nightmares, or fear that she had.

She didn't deserve for that fear and pain to be continued when she got to England because of him and his disgusting former friends at Osiris house.

Sure she forgave him because she's Nina. Sweet, giving, pure good, stronger than most Nina who had been through way more hell in her sixteen years than anyone should ever have to. Mark knew, however, that he wouldn't forgive himself. Not for a long time, if ever.

He wanted to kill her stepfather.

In fact, he would have joined Fabian in beating him if he hadn't been stuck on crutches. He hated himself though, for doing nothing, because he felt like he had failed his friend. He felt like the only way he deserved her forgiveness was fighting the man who had been the source of her pain since before he knew her.

His guilt had kept him from going to see her for the first few days. He didn't think he had the right to. But, she had been there for him when he was fighting for his own life, so it was the least he could do for her. He had just gotten out of bed and pulled on a shirt when Haru stirred in his sleep.

"Do you have to think so loudly Mark? It's 7:00 am," He complained, but his tone was lighthearted.

"Sorry man. Surprised you could hear it over your snoring," Mark joked back. Somehow Haru Yeung had found a way to hold him above water despite the darkness that invaded his mind and wanted to sink him. He both loved and hated him for that. Haru rolled his eyes before continuing.

"Are you going to see Nina today?" Mark sighed.

"I don't know if I'm ready. I want to be there for her but-"

"It's not the same as if she were awake?"

"Does that make me selfish?"

"Selfish? No, I mean I get it. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see you in the hospital either. It's hard. I think it would mean a lot to her though."

"Thanks for the guilt trip," His tone dripped with sarcasm.

"I just think if you go, even though she can't talk to you, it's better than not going and regretting it. She needs people who care about her around her right now. Yeah she's got Fabian, but you've become an important part of her life too. Don't discredit how much your friendship has grown. It was never expected to but it did," Mark gave him an 'I know you're right, but I hate admitting that look'.

"Are you going too?"

"I'll come by later. Now? I need to sleep. Your thinking kept me up all night," Mark caught the pillow Haru threw at him, and both men laughed. Mark finished getting ready and headed out the door. Despite being nervous about seeing Nina in the condition she'd been in, his conversation with Haru gave him some strength to get through the morning.

**X**

**Greenview Hospital**

Fabian Rutter had only seen the man he knew as Detective Elliot Stabler one time. It was when he and his partner, Detective Olivia Benson, were at the hospital to ask him questions for Nina's case.

It was very unexpected, therefore, to see the tough looking, no-nonsense detective in the hospital chapel that morning. A place where Fabian had gone every day to light a candle for Nina on his way to breakfast before returning to her bedside. He wasn't a super religious person, no, but he had seen the family of other patients' doing the same to honor their loved ones. He didn't want to leave Nina out. He wanted to find as many ways to show how much he loved her as he could. Usually, he was the only one there first thing in the morning, but today, in the front row with his head in his hands was the detective from the other day.

Fabian noticed, however, that the detective who told him he could call her Olivia, this man's partner, wasn't with him. He had an uneasy feeling, wondering if he should make his presence known and ask what happened. His concern was amplified when he heard a sob from the cop who had referred to himself as a 'hothead'.

"Father if you can hear me: i know I've made some crappy choices in my life. My ex-wife had no problem reminding me of that on the phone," He tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob. "But please don't take them, lord, don't take my Liv or our baby. They…they don't deserve this. Don't let this monster take them from me. I know I don't deserve them. Heck I didn't deserve any of my kids but-" Another sob. "Olivia is everything to me. She's everything, and I'm a useless sack of crap without her, father I really am. I know I didn't tell her enough. I know I wasted the first seven and a half years of our partnership that I could've told her how much she meant to me, and how much I love her. But I-I've been trying to fix that. We're so happy now father, and we-" He sniffled and wiped his eyes before continuing with tears still flowing. "Livia, she's…she's always wanted to be a mother, but the doctors never thought she'd be able to get pregnant. This little one is our miracle. You gave us a miracle, and I'm begging you to not take that away. I know there's probably about a million things you should punish me for, but don't take it out on Liv, please. If I lost them I…I c-can't,"

His harsh, heart-wrenching sobs filled the chapel and it reminded Fabian of the many tears he had shed for Nina at this hospital. Somehow he knew. He knew that they were both in that chapel because the ones they love were hurt by the same man. He wanted to reach out to the strong, but tender-hearted detective but he didn't. He knew that Elliot needed time to grieve and pray for Olivia. Just like Fabian did for Nina.

So he walked to the back quietly to light an additional candle for the female detective, who he knew had sacrificed herself for Nina in some way, and he wanted her to be okay too. Then he went back to the cafeteria, poured a cup of coffee, and put a muffin on the plate with a note just saying 'For Detective Stabler'. He set it next to where Elliot was kneeling at the altar.

He knew how awful it was to be alone and in pain, and after what they were doing to help Nina it was the least he could do.

**X**

"Mr. Rutter?" A voice said from behind him as he was walking back to Nina's room. The word 'mister' again made him want to cringe. He turned around and saw that it was a nurse from the desk across from Nina's room.

"Yes?" He can't help the uneasy feeling in his gut, wondering if something had happened to Nina while he was eating breakfast and watching Elliot Stabler plead for his partner's life in the chapel.

Wondering if he shouldn't have left her to begin with.

"Relax sir-"

"Fabian."

"Fabian, nothing happened while you were gone I promise. Another young man came by to see Miss Martin, but I told him he would need to wait in the waiting room until you returned," He figured it was probably Mark, but as an effort to protect Nina from anything else he asked all the nurses and doctors that he'd seen to not allow anyone in the room unless he was there with her.

"He say what his name was?" She looked at her clipboard.

"Yes, it was Mark, Mark Hampton," He found it ironic that he sighed in relief at the name when just a few months ago hearing that name would have struck him with worry, dread, anger, and hatred.

"Oh yes, that's fine, he can come in," She nodded.

"Ok, I will go let him know."

"Thank you."

Mark entered the room a couple minutes later.

"How is she? The nurse wouldn't tell me anything."

"She's still in a coma but thankfully not getting worse. The doctor said her brain activity looks good, and they were able to get the swelling down so at this rate, she should be able to wake up soon. They want to keep her under for another week to make sure her body is recovered enough because of the pain she will be in, which I get but-" He trailed off and Mark responded.

"The waiting is killing you?" He nodded, and took Nina's hand in his as he sat in the chair next to her bed, not taking his eyes off her.

"Amber called me this morning. I've been so focused on Nina that I haven't checked my phone. They've been trying to get a hold of me for days. My parents too," He sighed painfully before continuing, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I can't tell everyone everything, not by myself. I told Amber and Mara since they know about the abuse, and I told my dad because he had suspected. Amber and Mara are going to tell the rest of them that Nina got hurt, and that they all need to come to America, and we're going to tell them together. As much as I don't want to betray Nina's trust, people are going to find out anyway, and I would rather it be from people who love her than people spreading rumors."

"Have you met the detectives working her case yet?"

"Yeah, a man and a woman. Their names are Olivia and Elliot. I think they might be husband and wife. They're from the Special Victims Unit, and they seem to be good people. Thankfully they're not affiliated with her stepfather at all. In fact, I think her stepfather did something to Olivia when they were questioning him."

"You think he-"

"I went to the chapel this morning after breakfast to light one of the candles for Nina, and Elliot was there. At first, I thought he needed to talk to me for the case, but then I heard him talking about his partner and how he couldn't lose her. He kept saying 'don't let that monster take them from me'."

"Them?"

"She's pregnant. He was a wreck. I don't know what happened to her, but whatever it was Mr. Martin did it. I'm sure of it." The name made him sick to his stomach.

"He hurt a pregnant cop? What a piece of-" He was cut off by his phone ringing. He looked at the caller ID and abruptly left the room.

**X**

"Detective Stabler?" His heart nearly stopped when he saw Olivia's doctor standing in front of him. He was on his feet immediately, and the coffee someone had left him earlier spilled onto the floor. He couldn't eat the muffin though. His fear for his partner and child had taken away his appetite.

"Please tell me they're ok," He was shaking with nerves.

"Your wife and daughter are both going to be just fine," He felt like he could collapse from relief, and it took him a full minute before realized what else she had said. She had called Olivia his 'wife' before, and they had never corrected her because they meant so many different things to each other that it didn't matter how someone labeled it. Their bond was unbreakable and had been for their entire eight-year partnership.

The other thing though.

"Wait. Did you say-" The doctor smiled, knowing how excited the couple was for the gender reveal that they had an appointment scheduled to hear in just a couple of days.

"You're going to have a little girl detective, and she's going to be the luckiest princess in the world having you two for parents," He could feel tears in his eyes as he grinned and his heart burst with pride. Knowing the gender of their baby made everything seem so real.

It was the best thing he had heard since Olivia's terrifying collapse at the precinct the night before.

"Is Olivia awake?"

"She's resting right now, but we got her blood pressure down. It was getting dangerously high after her panic attack," In the eight years he had known Olivia Benson she had been hit on, threatened, stalked, and even assaulted by perps, even in the 4 months she'd been pregnant, and hadn't shed a tear.

She was the toughest person he knew, so hearing that the interrogation caused her to have a panic attack severe enough to land her in the hospital worried him greatly.

"I know your wife isn't gonna like this-"

"Trust me, our captain is putting her on desk duty for protection until after our daughter is born, and even if he wasn't I would," Her doctor smirked.

"Ah, so you'll be the one to break the news and deal with the 'Benson-wrath' then?"

"Well, if it were up to me she'd stay home resting and wouldn't get near the precinct or any of those creeps. She's great at her job. She's the best, but I'm so terrified of something happening to her," His overprotectiveness was kicking in as it always did when it came to Olivia.

"She's lucky to have someone who cares for and loves her as much as you do," The doctor smiled, and Elliot wiped a couple tears he didn't realize were falling and smiled back.

"I'm the lucky one."

**X**

When she woke up her vision was still blurry, but clearing slowly, and she heard voices outside her door. Relief washed over her when she realized her partner was one of those voices. She realized she was in the hospital, though it takes her a minute to remember why. A spike of fear shot through her when she noticed the bandage on her stomach and a monitor keeping track of their baby's heartbeat.

An ultrasound was also next to the bed, but she was scared of what she might see, or more what she might _not_ see.

"El!?" She called out to him, knowing he was the only one who could ease her fears and hold her steady. "Elliot!"

Both he and the doctor turned when they heard her shout, and Elliot was by her bedside immediately. He was a picture of loving devotion as he took her hand in one of his, and they rested their hands on her bump. He cradled her face with the other hand and kissed her softly on the forehead, beyond thankful she was okay.

"El," She sighed, relaxing in the comfort his presence had always given her. He rested his forehead against hers, stroked her hair, and kissed her on the nose to soothe her.

"I'm here sweetheart. Everything's ok. I'm here."

"Our baby?" She could see tears in his eyes and she failed to hold back a sob before he could respond. "Oh god."

He realized he had taken too long to respond, and she was fearing the worst. He wrapped an arm around the back of her neck to help her sit up and moved onto the bed. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her against his chest to calm her first, wanting to keep her blood pressure from skyrocketing again. Her eyes were squeezed shut and tears were flowing freely.

"Shhh, it's alright honey. She's alright. Our little girl is gonna be just fine. She's safe. It's ok," She sniffled and looked at him when she realized what he'd said.

"Wait-" He broke out into a grin.

"We're having a little girl Livia," His own tears fell down his cheeks. "See, there she is just growing and enjoying the warmth of her mommy's tummy," He pointed to the ultrasound screen she had been scared to look at earlier, and she sobbed from relief.

"Oh thank god. I was so scared El. When I realized he had that knife in his hand and had cut me I was so scared," She buried her face in the crook of his neck, seeking warmth of her own.

"I was too. I'm so sorry Olivia. I never should have left you in there alone," He cradled the back of her head, holding her close.

"Elliot it wasn't your fault. He's a maniac. You had no idea what he was going to do. Plus I've still been working since I found out I was pregnant, and I've interrogated several other perps. This one just-"

"Got to you?"

"What'd Kathy want?" She changed the subject quickly, not wanting to think about the man that had put her and his stepdaughter in the hospital for a second longer than she had to.

"Liv-"

"Elliot please. I can't talk about what happened in there. Not right now," She didn't want to think of that man's words: _I know a thing or two about you as well O-liv-ia._

She didn't want to think about how similar he looked to the picture she had seen of the man who raped her mother.

She didn't want to think about his smirk, or how looking into his eyes was like looking into her own. It made her skin crawl.

She would do this for Nina though because it was in her heart to fight for the victims at all costs. She wouldn't tell Elliot her hunch until she talked to Simon. She needed answers from him, and she was going to get them as soon as she got out of the hospital.

Elliot sighed. He didn't want to add to her stress, but he didn't want her to shut him out either.

"Liv, I know you're not gonna like this but-"

"I'm on desk duty aren't I?" He nodded.

"It's too dangerous to risk your blood pressure getting so high again. Cragen's giving both of us a couple days off at home so you can rest, and then it's mostly desk work except to talk to victims, and their family members, and court. No more chasing perps or interrogations."

If it was any other case she would have protested and told him she was fine, that he was being overprotective, and she could take care of herself. But she would be a mother soon, and the thought that that had almost gotten taken away from her was enough to shut down any argument she might have had. So she nodded and relaxed against his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Have you heard anything about Nina?"

"Her condition is improving, but she's not awake yet. I asked the doctor this morning. She still needs to rest," He kissed the top of her head and pulled the covers over them, wrapping his arms around her protectively like a cocoon as they both adjusted to lie on the bed. "And so do you," He held her so that one hand was cradling the spot where their daughter was resting, and the other arm was around her shoulders, letting her head rest in the crook of his neck. As if he was shielding his little family from the outside world. She snuggled into him as the familiar feeling of warmth and safety surrounded her. He leaned over to kiss her bump, and then leaned back up to give her a loving kiss on the lips. She rested her hand on top of his on her stomach, and both partners smiled when they felt the flutter of their daughter's kicks.

"She's always calm when she knows her daddy's here to keep her safe. She knows your voice, El."

"Hey there sweetheart," Olivia snuggled into him further and kissed him deeply.

"I know exactly how she feels," He returned the kiss and held her tighter.

"I love you so much. Both of you."

"We love you too," She felt a kick again as if their daughter was confirming her statement.

He turned out the light, and they both relaxed in each other's arms. He had no idea what would happen tomorrow. All he could do was hold her, and know that for tonight the two loves of his life were safe.

Because if there was one thing Elliot Stabler and Fabian Rutter had in common, besides being in the same hospital that night, it was that they would both do anything to keep the ones they loved safe.

No matter the cost to themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well..uh…let's just hope the 'no matter the cost to themselves' part isn't something they will 'ever' have to worry about right? Heehee.
> 
> Next: Olivia demands answers from Simon, the Anubis crew arrives; as does the ADA, and Fabian is faced with the reality of figuring out how to keep Nina out of foster care.
> 
> Also…who was Mark on the phone with?
> 
> Thanks for reading! See y'all next time!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the 2020 edit.
> 
> Warning: This story is dark because of the plot of Scarred and the nature of the cases/investigations the Special Victims Unit handles. Mentions of both physical and sexual child abuse and domestic violence may be triggering for some. Proceed with caution.
> 
> A/N: I'm splitting the events of this chapter up a bit. Chapter 5 will be more SVU/EO centered, and then chapter 6 will be mostly HOA/Scarred/Fabina/Maru

He was startled awake by someone pounding on his door.

"Simon, it's Olivia. I know you're in there because I saw your car, and I swear to god I will break down this door in about five minutes if you don't-"

"Olivia? What is your problem? It's eight in the morning!" He opened the door to see his sister with a furious expression on her face.

She knew Elliot would go out of his mind when he woke up and read her note. All it said was she couldn't sleep and would be back later.

"Are you protecting him?" She was shaking in a mix of anger and fear. Her nerves had kept her up all night. It also didn't help that every time she closed her eyes she saw the man who almost killed her baby.

The man who looked way too similar to her for her comfort.

"Who? And why didn't you call first?" Simon was puzzled and half-awake.

"You know who I'm talking about. You were defending him like crazy when we first met. Is that why you lied and said he was dead? So you could continue with the perfect life you had with the perfect father, and not face the reality of who he really was?" They are both angry now and he yelled back at her.

"You think I LIED to you!? Why would I tell you my father was dead if it wasn't true? Maybe your mom is the one who lied!"

"SHUT UP!"

"I know my father Olivia."

"Apparently not as well as you thought."

"He DIED! I showed you the death certificate! What more proof do you need?"

"How can I trust you, Simon? After-"

"After what? After I was FRAMED for a crime we both know I didn't commit?"

"Just because you didn't rape Captain Millfield's sister doesn't mean you're not covering for our father. Maybe-"

"Oh my god, this is unbelievable. I told you I would never lie to you. Why would I lie to my sister?" There were tears in his eyes now and she wanted to believe him. She almost did. Until Mr. Martin's face popped back into her mind. She pulled the mugshot from the case folder in her purse and lowered her voice. Her voice was shaky and there were tears in her own eyes.

"You're right. You know your father. You know what he looks like better than I do. So I want you to look me in the eyes, and tell me that this man," She held the photo up so he could see it. "Tell me that he looks nothing like the man you knew as your father. That he looks nothing like the man you said has been dead for ten years. Tell me that, and I _promise_ I will let this go."

She wanted him to deny it, to tell her she was crazy, and that there was no way that was him. She wanted him to tell her that he was dead. That she was stressed and paranoid, and that's what had led her to think that 'Mr. Martin' was their father. When Simon's eyes widened in terrifying recognition and he backed into the wall with an "Oh my god" slipping from his lips, Olivia couldn't hold back the sob.

"I didn't lie to you Olivia. I promise I didn't," She shook her head, unable to form words as tears streamed down her face. "I honestly thought he was dead. I came home from school one day and he was gone. We had no idea where he went. A few days later the death certificate came in the mail."

"In the mail?"

"Yeah we-he had seemed depressed for a long time. We thought maybe he had gone somewhere to die not wanting to burden us. I promise, Liv. We had no idea. I just assumed when I saw the death certificate."

"It's not your fault Simon. You-he knows how to play people. He has been living god knows how many different personas. You had no way of knowing he would fake his own death certificate," Simon's face was a mix of guilt, betrayal, and anger, and at that moment he decided he was never defending his father again.

"There's something I should have told you Olivia, and I'm sorry it just didn't come up at the time," Her voice was quiet and trembling when she responded.

"Tell me."

"There was never a body. We never had any kind of funeral or burial for him. It was just like he stopped existing. We had no idea of the location of where he died or anything. Just the certificate. Mom tried to look him up, but it was like 'Joseph Hollister' was never a real person. He was just... _gone_." There was a pause before he continued. "Wait, how'd you come across him?" He realized that the picture he saw had been a mugshot, and he clenched his fists. His anger at the man he thought he knew so well was growing quickly. "What did he do Olivia?"

She shook her head; trembling like a leaf and trying not to hyperventilate.

"You don't want to know Simon. It would destroy you. It would destroy every memory you had of your childhood."

" _Fake_ memories! He was a freaking fake! Please, Olivia. I just found out my whole life was a lie! Please tell me who that is. Tell me what he did. Did he hurt you? Your baby? Someone else?" She could feel herself on the verge of a panic attack and tried to control it, not wanting to put herself back in the hospital. Her voice was tear-filled when she choked out a response.

"He-he tried to attack me while we were interrogating him."

"Are you ok!?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Elliot got there in time. I-he got to me. He got into my head, and I...he looked so much like... _me._ My skin was crawling and-" She sobbed, and he helped her sit down as she tried to control her breathing.

"It's alright. He's not here now. He can't hurt you."

"That's nothing! Simon what he did to me in that interrogation room? He's done so much worse, and it kills me to tell you that. But this man, he's not who you thought he was, and not just because of the fake death certificate. He's going away for a really long time."

"For your mother's rape?" She took a breath before responding and held the photo up again; shuddering when she saw the familiar eyes.

"This man has been living under the alias of a defense attorney named Mr. Martin for twelve years. He has no first name on record and refuses to tell anyone. About three years after you received the death certificate in the mail, he married a woman named Hanna who had a young daughter named Nina."

"Is-was that the Nina Martin they were talking about on the news this morning," Olivia managed a nod before continuing.

"On the outside, he put up a persona that they were this _perfect_ family. No one would have suspected a thing," Simon swallowed a lump in his throat.

"But on the inside?"

"He was a cruel, sadistic, misogynistic husband who hated women, and his wife was no exception. He told me when I was in that room with him that he was trying to 'teach her obedience and respect.'"

"Oh my god."

"If she didn't do something he asked, or if she did or said something he didn't like, and tried to stand up to him he would beat her until she gave in. He abused her brutally, and she put up with it for months."

"What about her daughter?"

"He left Nina alone at first because he still had Hanna to kick around. She let him because she wanted to protect her daughter. But then-" She hesitated, unsure if she should tell him the rest.

"I believe you, Olivia. I'm done defending that sicko. You can tell me. I promise."

"During one of their last fights Hanna ended up in the hospital, and that was the last straw. She filed a police report, and sent him a text telling him she was going to take her daughter, leave him, file for divorce, and get a restraining order," He knew where this was going, but as scared as he was to hear it he knew he needed the truth.

"He killed her Simon. He tampered with the brakes on her car so she'd crash, and he made it look like a drunk driver killed her..

.but it was him."

"Why was he never caught?"

"He got his co-workers to help him cover the whole thing up and kept the reports from being filed. SVU never got the case because it was swept under the rug by his own precinct. Munch found out when we got Nina's case."

"Nina's case?"

"Her abuse started after he killed Hanna. He wanted to make her believe it was all her fault, that he was grieving, and that's why he tortured her for twelve years. That was how he kept control of her. He made her believe she was the reason her mother was dead, and that she had to be punished."

"What a piece of-" He was cut off by his phone ringing for the third time in the half-hour Olivia had been there. He silenced it without looking to see who it was.

"Is...is the Nina they were talking about on the news this morning whose stepfather put her in a coma, is that…" His own voice was trembling. He had asked earlier, but was still in a state of shock, and needed confirmation.

"That's her," They sat in silence for a moment. She didn't want to talk any more about their father, or what he did to Nina, and Simon was too afraid to ask.

"I-I need some air."

"I'm sorry for accusing you of lying and then putting all this on you Simon. I just-"

"It's not your fault. I just...this is a lot to process."

"I know," Her voice was barely above a whisper. When he pulled her into a hug, his own tears falling, she broke into sobs.

"Hey, hey breathe Liv. Slow and deep," She was sobbing inconsolably. The guilt and terror were eating her alive.

His apartment phone rang and then shut off suddenly. It was only a few seconds before he heard pounding on his door, and a frantic voice that both soothes and scares Olivia .

"Simon? Simon, it's Elliot. Olivia's Elliot. Is she there? Have you seen her? I've been trying to get a hold of her for over an hour, and I'm really worried about her. She just got out of the hospital yesterday, and the doctor wanted her to rest, and..oh god. She-she left me a note, and I thought maybe she went to get coffee or went to the precinct, but no one has seen or heard from her. I know I sound crazy and irrational right now, but-" He pounded on the door again. "Please open the door, please. I'm losing my mind."

"You didn't tell Elliot you were coming here?"

"I wanted to be sure before I told him anything, and honestly I'm scared to tell him. Why would he want to be with a woman who came from that monster? Why would he want to have a child with her?"

"SIMON! I swear to god if you are holding her hostage in there, and you don't answer I will break down this door, and search without a warrant until I find her," They head from the other side of the door before either could continue.

"My neighbors are going to hate you two. it's barely 10:30," Simon chuckled lightheartedly as Olivia shouted back to Elliot. She tried to hide the tears from her voice.

"I'm here, El! I'm ok," She could almost feel his sigh of relief from inside the apartment.

"Thank god baby. You scared me," She looked at Simon, and her teary eyes were pleading with him to open the door. The worry, love, and tenderness she heard in Elliot's voice were enough for her to push away her fears for a moment. She needed her rock. She needed his comfort, his warmth, his safety after everything she had found out that morning. Elliot Stabler was her constant, her steadying force, the one thing she could count on, and the only thing that made sense at the moment.

He rushed over to her the minute the door was opened and checked for injuries. He turned back to Simon with a darkening gaze when he saw that she'd been crying and was still trembling slightly.

"Did you hurt her?"

"No, God no, we were just talking. We figured something out, and...well, I'll leave that up to her to tell you," He turned back to Olivia, cradling her face gently in his hand, and wiping some stray tears. She leaned into his touch. She hated feeling vulnerable, but at that moment, she wanted nothing more than for him to hold her while they felt their daughter kicking under their intertwined hands.

"What happened, baby? What's the matter?" His voice was so gentle and filled with so much compassion that she almost told him, but all she could get out is

"Can you just take me home and hold me?" Her voice was small and broken, and so unlike the woman he knew as his partner that it scared him.

"Oh, honey-"

"Please El, I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to go home, and I want you to hold me because-" He could feel his heart break for her when he heard those words. He turned back to Simon.

"If she so much as implies that you did something to her-" He was cut off by Olivia.

"Elliot it wasn't anything he did I promise. Please just take me home," He pulled her into a protective embrace as they stood up.

"Exactly what I came here to do." She snuggled into him; an action that warms, but worries Elliot. He knew something had to really be wrong for her to voluntarily depend on him and admit she needed him without shouting 'I'm fine, I can take care of myself', or giving him a death glare for helping her.

**X**

The ride back to their apartment was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Olivia was no longer crying. Now she was mostly ashamed of how vulnerable she had been. Not because Elliot would be upset about it, no, she knew in her heart that he would love her no matter what. She hated that she felt like she had given the man she was now almost certain was her father the satisfaction of reducing her to the weak, needy image he believed all women were. It sickened her to the core that this monster had that effect on her. That the idea of finding out she had some of his genes turned her into a frightened, wimpy woman who had clung to her partner and begged him to hold her. Begged him to protect her and shield her from the world. Elliot wouldn't see it that way at all, but that didn't make her feel any less disgusted.

"Ok Olivia, what's going on."

"I'm fine El. I just had a rough morning that's all," He shook his head in frustration and pulled onto a side road. Then he got out of the car and sat in the back motioning for her to join him.

"That's not gonna work on me, Liv. You know that. It might work on someone else, but I know you too well to fall for that." His tone was frustrated, but his eyes were filled with concern.

"Elliot-"

"Come here."

"El, I promise if there was something wrong-"

"You'd tell me? Good, come here."

"El-"

"You wanted me to hold you, so we are going to sit in the back of this car, and I'm gonna hold you while you tell me what's going on."

"I said I wanted you to _take me home_ and hold me."

"I will. As soon as we figure this out, and I know you won't shut me out."

"I'm not gonna-"

"Are you forgetting how well I know you?" He teased. His tone was softer and less frustrated, but his expression was serious and filled with love and concern. "Come here, honey."

Her partner's gentle coaxing, such a strong contrast from the way the man she and Simon were talking about had addressed _his_ wife, caused tears to prick in her eyes. She didn't deserve Elliot Stabler. After what she found out, after _who_ she found out she had genes from? She didn't deserve for any man to love her, especially not as much as Elliot did. There was also no way she deserved the child growing inside her either. How dare she think she had the right to be a mother?

Despite this though, she was terrified of losing Elliot because she was connected to and trusted him more than she ever had anyone else. So she sat in the back of the car with him and tried to keep her distance. She was dirty, she was damaged, and as painful as it would be she wanted to tell him to go back to Kathy. At least his life had been normal then. She tried to hide her tears, but Elliot, knowing her as well as he did, could see them anyway.

"Was it something I did, Liv? Are you upset with me about something? I'm sorry sweetheart. I really am for whatever it was. I promise you if you tell me I will fix it," _God, why did he have to be so wonderful? It made knowing she needed to let him go a harder task to accomplish._

"El." She sniffled.

"Was it-was it the phone call the other day from Kathy? You're scared I'm going back to her because I wouldn't tell you what she said? That's never gonna happen, baby. Never. You and our little girl are my world. I don't want to be anywhere else," His arms were outstretched and if not for the discovery she had made that morning about herself, she would crawl into them and stay in his arms for as long as she could.

"It's not you Elliot. I promise."

"Then what's the matter? Why do you not want me to hold you all of the sudden?" She turned away from him knowing that one look into his eyes would cause her to give in, but she couldn't do that to him. He had wasted so much love on her, and she was ruining his life whether he said so or not.

"Because I don't want you to think I'm weak and fragile. I shouldn't be so clingy."

"Did Simon tell you that? Because he's an idiot, and I'd like to-"

"No, no he didn't," Letting out a sigh at her stubbornness, he changed tactics.

"Ok, well what if I need to be comforted? Can I hold you for _me?_ You really scared me this morning, Liv."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I love you, and I thought something had happened to you. I was worried sick, Olivia. You should have been resting. You just got out of the hospital! What on earth were you thinking!" He was raising his voice at her now, but she knew it was because of how protective he was of her.

"I don't answer to you Elliot. I don't need a babysitter, and you're not my father!" She snapped; although, she'd prefer him to the alternative.

"No, I'm not, but I am the father of our little girl, and one of us has to look out for her well-being cause-" Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Go ahead Elliot! Tell me what a horrible, careless mother I am! Go ahead!"

"OLIVIA!"

"Come on, we both know that's what you were gonna say."

"Is that what you think of me? Do you really think I'd say that, Liv?"

"Well I didn't think you'd ever say that you needed to know I can do my job without needing to be _rescued_ either, but you did. Yet, you keep trying to coddle me when I DON'T NEED YOU!" She regretted the words as soon as they slipped out, but the damage was already done.

"Then why am I here Liv?" They weren't looking at each other now, but she knew she had hurt him.

"You tell me."

"I thought we discussed all this after you got back from Oregon. I didn't mean anything I said during the Gitano case. I told you that. I don't know why you suddenly don't trust me."

"I trust you! I just don't need you hovering over every move I make."

"You don't trust me enough to tell me why you thought it was a brilliant idea to leave the house after barely getting any sleep, and to not tell me where you're going a day after being in the hospital for a panic attack that made your blood pressure skyrocket do you?"

She knew she was doing it on purpose. She was pushing him away. She was trying to make him mad enough at her that he would leave her on his own, and she wouldn't have to tell him why.

"Have you ever thought that it's your fault I was in the hospital? Maybe I'd be less stressed if you didn't-"

"Didn't what? Take care of you? Love you? Put my life and career on the line to protect you?"

"I DON'T NEED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF ME!" She sobbed. "Don't you get it? I don't need you! I don't want you, and I thought I made that clear when I left!" Dead silence. "Just go back to Kathy, Elliot. Go back to Kathy, and leave me alone," There were tears in his eyes. she knew this without looking at him because she could hear the emotion in his voice.

"That's what you want? You want me to go back to a loveless marriage? You hate me that much for being worried about you?"

_God no, I could never hate you. I hate myself for doing this to you._

"Kathy's marrying Peter, Olivia. She wants an annulment of our marriage and sole custody of our kids. He's gonna adopt _my_ kids and strip me of all my rights. That's why she called the other day. _That's_ what you want me to go back to?"

_Nice job Olivia. You just gutted a heart that was already breaking. Way to prove what a monster you are._

"We're co-workers, Elliot. Let's just drop this so we can solve the case okay?" Co-worker. She had called him her coworker. Not her _partner_. Not even her friend. Forget gutting his heart.

She had _shattered_ it.

"Co-workers? I Thought we figured out a year ago that we were a lot more to each other than that," His voice was broken, and she wanted to hold him the way he had tried to hold her earlier, but she knew she shouldn't.

 _They_ had broken.

"Guess we were wrong," Her voice was shaky and quiet as she tried to hold in more sobs at the damage that had been done to the longest relationship she'd ever had.

He was silent as he moved back to the front of the car and started to drive in the direction of their apartment.

"Elliot-"

"If you want to hate me fine, but you're gonna hate me in our own apartment where I know you'll be safe. I won't bother you. I promise, but I'm not gonna pretend I suddenly don't care, Olivia. I'm not abandoning our daughter either just because you've suddenly decided to abandon this relationship, and act like it means nothing to you which we both know isn't true."

She was too ashamed to respond, but felt a tug on her heartstrings at the fact that he was mad at her and she had crushed him, but he still wanted to make sure she was safe. It made her feel worse for how she treated him. She felt like she'd taken him for granted.

"I don't know why you're pushing me away, but what I do know is if you keep pushing people away in order to avoid talking about what's really bothering you someday you won't have anything to catch you when you hit the bottom," It was an empty threat, he knew, because no matter how hard she pushed he would never leave her. He just couldn't. "So if you want to go back to Oregon, to Porter, or whatever the hell you're trying to do then fine. But I'm not giving you up without a fight, and I'm not giving our daughter up either. We still have to work together too, or IAB will suspend both of us for not keeping our personal problems out of the job."

They walked into their apartment in silence. Despite their fight he still held the door open for her to make sure she got in ok, and then turned to face her wiping her tears gently. As if she hadn't just shattered his heart. "I'm not leaving you, Olivia. I know that's not what either of us wants. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if it's something I did, or-"

"El-"

"Look at me. You may have decided you suddenly hate me for some reason I can't figure out-"

"I don't-"

"I'm not the one who runs Olivia. I'm not. I didn't go to computer crimes or Oregon when things got tough," His tone wasn't accusatory, just matter of fact. "No matter what. No matter how hard you push me? I will _never stop loving you. Never._ I'm _always_ going to love you even if you don't feel the same."

"Elliot," Her tone was pleading and came out as a sob.

"I need you to know that Olivia. I need you to trust that. Even if nothing else makes sense right now. I need you to know that. Unconditionally."

"El-" He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead.

"You're running low on vitamins, so I'm gonna go out and get you some more. That way you can have some space and time to rest. I'll be back in a little while. Please take the last couple ok? They're on the counter," She nodded, feeling her heart break because he was still taking care of her. He still loved her and he shouldn't have to. He won't when he knows why she's really upset. "I love you, and I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't push you into talking to me. I just want you to know that whatever it is isn't gonna make me feel differently about you. We'll talk later when you're ready, okay." He gave her a soft kiss on the lips before turning away. "I won't be gone long. Call me if you need something."

And then he was gone, and she was alone.

She felt cold, exposed, and empty without him. It made her realize just how important he had become to her over the years. She should have just told him. She should have at least let him hold her because she was the one who wanted him to in the first place.

He may forgive her, but she wasn't gonna forgive herself. If she had tried harder to find out about her 'father' she could have saved Nina years ago. Elliot may say it wouldn't change how he felt, but how could it not?

Suddenly, body was wracked with the sobs she had tried so hard to hold in. She felt her daughter kick as if reminding her that she was there. She tried as hard as she could to hold onto the hope that her reaction to identifying her _own_ father hadn't broken her relationship with her partner beyond repair.

The truth was she _needed_ Elliot Stabler no matter how much she tried not to depend on him. He was the one thing that kept her sane.

She just hoped she would have the chance to prove that to him before it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry fellow EO shippers, there had to be some drama after Olivia received that news. But hopefully they will work things out ok, I mean they're Benson and Stabler..they can get through anything together right?
> 
> Next chapter, since this one was longer than I had planned it, will be mainly HOA/Scarred centered, and then we'll check back in with the SVU squad in chapter 7.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the 2020 edit.
> 
> A/N: Hello my dear loyal readers. It's been a busy month, but I finally have things taken care of, and my mind is clearer to write. This chapter is HOA/Scarred centered mostly, and then chapter seven will be the SVU squad. Then back to the combined format I had been writing at first.
> 
> Warning: This story is dark because of the plot of Scarred and the nature of the cases/investigations the Special Victims Unit handles. This particular chapter contains details of injuries, and abuse including rape/incest. These may be triggering for some, so proceed with caution.

Fabian Rutter had no idea how they did it.

He had no clue how the detectives he had met were able to look family members in the eyes and tell them that their loved one had been killed, or was in the hospital, or had been kidnapped. It was the worst part of the job he was sure, and they had been doing it for years. He admired that strength because telling Amber Millington the 'police notes' version of what happened to her best friend over the phone, and that she needed to get everyone to America as soon as she could, was a conversation that would haunt him for as long as he lived.

And now, the two of them would have to tell the rest of their housemates, Mr. and Mrs. Miller, and the Rutters the horrific story they had known themselves for months. He wasn't sure how in the world he was going to get through it.

He wasn't a detective. He hadn't had years of experience and training with these kinds of cases.

He was just a high school student who was in love with a girl that had been through hell and was fighting for her life.

So how was he going to get through this conversation without breaking down? He didn't have the slightest idea.

He was pretty sure Amber, Mark, and Haru didn't either.

They were all on a flight right now. His parents, the Millers and Eddie, Amber, Mara, Jerome, Alfie, Patricia, and Joy. Even Mark's mother was flying in. The last one surprised him, but she was no stranger to abuse and neither was her son. If she wanted to come to show support it didn't bother him, even if her son felt differently.

Right now though he was sitting beside Nina's bed in silence. Mark and Haru had gone to lunch and tried insisting that Fabian go with them. He needed to eat and get some rest. He was no good to Nina if he ended up in a hospital bed himself because he didn't take care of himself. But, he couldn't leave her, not for a second. If he hadn't left her the last time she wouldn't be in this situation. He was going to protect her this time, and he wasn't going to fail. It would take extreme force to make him leave. There was no way he was leaving willingly.

The beeping of the monitors were mocking him, telling him that she was alive, but that could change at any minute, and he had no control over that fact.

"Hey, darling," His voice was soft and gentle. If she _could_ hear him he wanted her to feel comforted, warm, and safe. He held her unbroken hand in his, hoping he wasn't causing her any more pain. "The doctor said you might wake up soon, but that you still need to rest. I miss you, and I hope that doesn't take too long, but I don't want you to be in pain either. I promise you that when you are able to come back to me I'll be right here, and that I'll protect you. I'm not leaving, Nina, never again. Mark and Haru are here with me already, and everyone else is gonna be here soon. We're gonna get you patched up and take you home. I know that it's gonna be rough, but you're not alone anymore sweetheart," He sniffled, but didn't hide the tears in his eyes.

"You're the strongest person I've ever known, and that's how I know you will get through this. Please wake up. Please come back to me. I can't lose you, Nina, I just can't. I love you way too much," He was surprised at how easily the words 'I love you' slipped from his lips now because it had taken him a long time to work up the courage to tell her.

"I feel like you deserve to know this, and it would be wrong for me to keep it from you. I love you, and there's a lot of people who care about you who are gonna support you through this.

We have to tell them. Amber and I have to tell the rest of our housemates and some other people what happened, but they aren't going to judge you. They want to help you just like we do," He paused before continuing as if she's awake, and he was nervous about how she'd react to the next part. "Your stepfather's in custody, and there's a case opened now. I don't know when the trial will be yet, but .I met the main detectives working your case," He swallowed hard. She wasn't conscious, but he still felt the need to break the news gently, to keep her calm. "I know how you felt about going to the police, and you know I want to respect your wishes when I can, but I couldn't. He could have killed you, Nina. He deserves to pay for what he did which we both know, and I know that you're nervous about him getting off, or about you having to go to foster care, but," He took a breath.

"Your stepfather liked to pride himself in his connections to law enforcement, and I know he's used that against you, but I hope that you trust me enough to know I made sure to find the very best. The ones that he couldn't influence. These detectives, they're from the Special Victims Unit, and they deal with-"

_child abuse and rape, but he felt too sick to say the words when the girl he loved was fighting for her life on the hospital bed in front of him._

"They deal with uh...cases like yours. There's a man and a woman who I'm pretty sure are married. I'm sure Amber will gossip about that," He said lightheartedly, needing a bit of humor to calm his nerves. His grief. His sorrow. "They have absolutely no affiliation with _him_ whatsoever. They want to help you, Nina. They care about you, and they want to see your stepfather fry like he deserves. They'll fight for you. I've only spoken to them a couple of times, but I know that much. Their case closure rate is the highest in the city. Higher than your stepfather's even. Um-"

 _You should probably tell her about the fact that the male detective can be a muscular hulk of rage at times, and the sight of him will probably scare her at first so she'll be prepared._ "Their uh...their names are Olivia and Elliot," He knew she wouldn't automatically trust them just because he told her about them, but he was counting on her trust in him. He was counting on her knowledge that he knew about them to know that they were safe, and that even if they weren't he would protect her. Before he could say anything else, his phone buzzed with a text from Amber.

_Landed at the airport. What hospital, and what room is she in?_

He texted her the details, and she replied that they would be there as soon as they could. A wave of emotion hit him. Relief that he wouldn't be alone, but fear if he will be able to handle it. Fear of reality setting in. Fear for Nina when she woke up and had to face everyone knowing. Fear for the trial.

He could only hope that when it was all over they would be taking Nina home. Back to England. Back to safety. Back to where she was cared for and loved the way she deserved to be. He hoped the detectives were as good as they seemed to be and would keep their promise. He also hoped Olivia was ok, but didn't want to think of what the stepfather may have done to her. He could only imagine given the horrible things Nina went through.

Then there was the other thing that had been in the back of his mind but that he knew would come up: foster care. It was one of the things that scared Nina into staying quiet about the abuse. The idea that she would be shipped from home to home and never be able to return to England, to the people she loved. He hadn't met with the adoption agent yet. He wanted to ask around those they knew. See if anyone she was familiar with in England could take her in. He wouldn't ask his parents; only because it would be awkward given the growth in their relationship. But, _surely,_ there was _someone._ The most likely family would probably be the Millers. She had a great relationship with Eddie, and while trusting adults was still something she was working on, Mr. and Mrs. Miller were familiar to her.

He leaned back in his chair, still holding Nina's hand gently, and sighed. He would worry about all that later. Now, he would continue watching over her, and protect her from whatever monsters lurked outside her hospital room while he waited for everyone to arrive.

**X**

Cancer.

That was what Mark Hampton's mother had said over the phone.

Her voice lacked emotion as she said the word. His father, who was the source of his nightmares for the past sixteen years, had been diagnosed with lung cancer in the prison's hospital ward. His first reaction was to ask her why the heck she had told him. Was he supposed to care? Was he really supposed to care about the man who had brutally beaten him and his mother every day of his life? Why did _she_ care? That was what he thought about snapping at her. But he remembered the last conversation they had had, how cruel he had been to her. Haru's voice popped into his head as it always did when he needed to calm down.

"She was a victim too Mark. She has to work through the healing process too. He's all she knew for a long time despite how he treated her. Of course, she would find out he was sick,"

Instead, he said "Oh," His mother, Diane, stunned by the calm reaction had said that she only told him because his father didn't have a will, and when he died, the court ordered that his wife and son, because of what they went through, would inherit every last filthy penny. It was restitution.

Still, it was hardly enough to make up for the years of pain and fear Mark and his mother had suffered.

The physician at the prison had given Mr. Hampton three weeks to live because he had been diagnosed late, and the cancer was spreading fast. Mark thought darkly that the man was cancer himself, and the scars he left were permanently spread all over him and his mother.

The doctor had asked Diane if she wanted to see her estranged husband one last time before he passed. She hung up instead of answering. She was tired of hearing the doctor speak as if nothing had happened between the two, and they were just a normal married couple.

She and Mark would not be returning for a last goodbye. He deserved every ounce of suffering he got. Mr. Hampton wasn't getting any sympathy. Not from them. Monsters are meant to be destroyed.

"Mark? You ok?" Haru asked, looking up from his lunch and noting the expression of the man across from him.

"Yeah. You know what? I'm fine. Let's head back over to the hospital. The rest of Anubis landed about an hour ago and should be there soon if they aren't already."

"If you need to talk-"

"I know man. I know, but this isn't worth my energy to tell you. Let's go back to Nina," Haru knew that if Mark didn't want to talk he wasn't going to, but his expression wasn't readable which concerned him.

"Mark, who was on the phone?"

"Wrong number."

"M-"

"Just drop it Haru. Drop it."

"Fine, but you're buying lunch," He teased in one last effort to get Mark to talk to him.

"Got that covered."

"Can I at least ask-"

"You can, but I won't answer."

"Fine. Let's go," Haru sighed as they headed back to the hospital.

**X**

It didn't matter how much information someone gave you to prepare you for what you were about to see when someone you care about is in the hospital. It didn't matter if you've had a pretty clear idea of what they've been through all their lives for months. When they got to Nina's room the doctor told them only two people at a time could go in. Amber and Mara, being the ones along with Fabian who knew about the abuse, went in first. Neither of them bothered to wipe the tears that pricked their eyes, or hold back the gasp or sob that followed.

Fabian, who was slowly waking up after finally being wiped out from lack of sleep, stood up when he saw them enter.

"Hey, guys," The three of them looked at each other, unsure of what to say, or which one should speak first. Fabian had explained things to them over the phone, but standing in the hospital room seeing their friend hooked up to more wires, and tubes, and machines than they cared to count made everything more terrifyingly real. This was happening. Both of them were nervous to approach her.

She looked so fragile.

She looked like she had when she first arrived at Anubis, except it was worse.

Now they saw her as a friend, a best friend, in Amber's case. A good friend who almost died in a horrific, violent, brutal way.

"Is she-" Amber's voice was shaking as she spoke. Mara, who only knew a brief outline about the abuse, still couldn't bring herself to speak.

"The uh, the doctor said her vitals were improving, so she's doing better than when we talked on the phone. They were able to get the swelling down in her brain, and she's able to breathe on her own. She could wake up any day now, but they, _God this was hard_. "They said that because she had lost so much blood, and because of the swelling in her brain they couldn't say for sure what lasting damage she could have," There was something detached about the way Fabian spoke. As if he was talking about someone other than Nina. As if he was a doctor listing off facts about a random patient. A detective giving the outline of a case. Internally though, he wanted to scream.

"Lasting damage?" Mara finally spoke.

It was something Fabian refused to think about, and at first didn't even realize he had said it. He just wanted her to wake up. He would love her through anything that came after. She could get through it. The doctor had told him that morning that he needed to be prepared when she woke up just in case. He would be. He'd be by her side no matter what. He knew Amber and Mara would see through him if he had just simply told them she'd be fine.

"With the injuries she had the uh-" his voice cracked as he pushed himself to say the words. He avoided their eyes; it would be too painful and he had to get through this. Now was not the time to break. "The doctor mentioned a chance of memory loss, paralysis-"

"Oh my god," A dam broke, and all three friends found themselves hugging each other in a steady stream of tears.

"But, there's only a _chance_ , right? She might be fine!?" Fabian glanced over at Nina and immediately hated himself. _You inconsiderate idiot. How could you hint that she might not be okay while standing in her hospital room? You love her! You're supposed to believe in how strong she is. OF COURSE SHE WOULD BE FINE! Physically anyway. What if she could hear you? What if you made her think you thought she was weak? What if you made her think her Stepfather successfully broke her beyond repair, and even you couldn't help her. You really need to learn when to keep your mouth shut._

"Yeah. Yeah, she-she will be. The doctor said just in case, but she's a fighter...she-"

"We know Fabian, we know," Amber said comfortingly, giving him one last hug before pulling back.

Fabian stepped back to allow the girls to approach Nina's bed. Amber stood on one side, and Mara stood on the other.

"Can she hear us?" Mara asked Fabian, but she was looking at Nina. There was no movement, but her heart rate picked up slightly.

"Her doctor said that was a possibility based on how quickly she's improving that she can recognize our voices," The three were silent for a minute before Amber gave Fabian a bittersweet smile with tears pooling in her eyes.

" _Your_ voice Fabian. We haven't been here. You've been by her side every second you could. You've been talking to her, loving her, protecting her. She's fighting for _you_. She's coming back so she can be with you. You're her missing piece. You make her feel whole, and she's never had that in her life. She loves you, and she knows you love her even though she can't tell you right now. You're healing her more than you know," It was Mara's gasp that caused the pair to turn to Nina...only to see a lone tear trailing down her scarred cheek. "See?" Amber's voice cracked, holding in a squeal at the sight with tears flowing down her own cheeks. "You're the medicine she really needs. It's not the doctors bringing her back. It's _you._ "

Fabian said nothing. He walked over to the side of the bed and leaned down, kissing away the tear on Nina's cheek gently before pulling Amber into a friendly side hug, and exchanging a small smile with Mara who was in the chair on the other side of Nina's bed.

**X**

They stayed in the room, just the three of them, for a little longer. Amber and Mara each took turns saying a few words to Nina.

Mara promised that she and Mick with their knowledge in physical health and fitness would help her with therapy, so she wouldn't have to be alone with a physical therapist.

Amber promised Nina that when they were all back in England she would take her shopping when she was ready, and buy her all new stuff, so she could have a change in wardrobe. So she didn't have to spend another second wearing clothes that reminded her of what had happened. So she could really have a fresh start, and would never have to return for her things if she didn't want to. Fabian mentioned, though not wanting to step a single foot back into the house Mr. Martin owned himself, that she may want some of her art supplies and books. Amber said it would be up to her, but all three were more than willing to buy her new art supplies as well.

Whatever it took.

The girls reassured Nina that she was still their friend, and that wasn't going to change. Fabian promised her he would be back in a bit, and told her he loved her quietly as if worried talking too loud would hurt her. He also wanted to try to avoid Amber squealing to the whole hospital. She didn't squeal, but the smile on her face went from ear to ear, and he could tell she was holding it in. Mara, while also smiling at the sweet gesture rolled her eyes at the blonde, who was so invested in 'Fabina' it might as well have been her _own_ relationship.

The waiting room thankfully, was only full of their friends. This would be a hard conversation, and none of them wanted to have it in front of strangers. Fabian's parents: John and Rebecca Rutter, along with Diane Hampton, Eric Sweet, and Diane Miller; and their son Eddie, had gone to the hotel. The kids could explain everything to them later, but, for now, it was just their housemates, Trudy, and Mark and Haru; who had pretty much become a part of the Anubis crew anyway.

The group turned to the three. Silent, but in anticipation. It was Patricia who broke the ice.

"Can someone _please_ tell us what the hell happened? _How_ did it happen?" Her three housemates appeared hesitant which only increased the nerves in the room. Joy put a hand on her shoulder.

"What Patricia means is-" She swallowed hard. "Is-is Nina going to be ok?" Trudy, who had felt nothing but guilt at telling the stepfather where Nina went the whole plane ride, shakily joined in.

"Was it _him?_ Did he do this? Oh my God, I never should have answered the door," There were tears in her eyes, and her face was ghostly pale.

"He..who?" Mick asked, sharing a look with Mara, almost afraid to know the answer. Jerome and Alfie were silent, but listening intently. Mark and Haru, already aware of what was going on, gave a reassuring glance to the trio, providing the friends with the moral support to get through this.

"You guys we-we're really sorry. We know this is coming as a shock but-" Amber said unsure how to begin.

"You guys were closer. You knew her better. Obviously she told you stuff she hasn't told us, but...we care about her too. We all do," Alfie spoke up casting Amber a pleading look.

"Can you just tell us if she's ok?" was Joy's shaky response.

"She...she will be," Fabian replied, and could feel the relief sweep through the room. "Because of the injuries she came in with the doctors placed her under a medically induced coma, but she's slowly waking up."

"What happened to her?" Trudy asked.

"Fabian...whatever it is...we want to be her support system too. We're her friends too. Please, don't leave anything out," Patricia said. Fabian swallowed hard, knowing he needed to tell them, but worried he wouldn't be able to. Amber and Mara placed supportive hands on his shoulders as he stepped forward.

"What do you want to know first?" His voice shook slightly, but his stance was strong.

"Who did this?" Mick all but growled. He didn't know as much as Fabian did, but he knew she had been abused. He knew whatever happened had traumatized her severely. It was why he wanted to teach her self-defense techniques. Why he had taken on the role of her physical trainer. Despite the fact that she still wasn't comfortable with being completely alone with him yet he had begun to see her as his sister. As someone he wanted to protect. The thought that someone was responsible for all of the pain she had suffered, as well as her current comatose state, made him furious.

Fabian, Amber, and Mara were slightly surprised at his reaction. They knew, however, that Nina had a strong impact on them all. They all cared for her, and they hoped they could help her see that.

Fabian took a deep breath. He knew there was no turning back now.

"The um...abuse as you've probably guessed has gone on since before she came to Anubis," He looked at Trudy, and his heart cracked at the thought that the answer wouldn't erase the guilt she felt, but confirm it.

"It's her stepfather...isn't it?" Fabian was staring at the wall because it was too painful to look at his housemates, and whichever one of them had just asked that question.

"Yes," Was what he choked out after a moment of hesitation.

The reaction was instant.

Trudy's sob was loud enough for the reception desk to hear, and a nurse came over asking if everything was ok. Joy and Patricia let out tearful exclaims of "Oh my god," Mick looked pissed. Jerome and Alfie's normally joking demeanors were replaced with sadness, guilt, and anger.

There was not a single dry eye in the room.

Not a single one.

Fabian wondered once again how the SVU detectives were able to have conversations like these with family members and friends of the victims so often because it was one of the hardest things he had ever done.

"Arsehole. I'm an utter arsehole," Patricia said with a mixture of disbelief and guilt. Jerome, who under any other circumstances would have snickered at that comment, shook his head and squeezed her shoulder. "You had no way of knowing-"

"The things we said to her," Joy shook her head, remembering those first few weeks, and hated herself. "God I knew something had happened, but...to know the abuser was that close to her. We treated her like scum. She was so scared, and we made it worse and it's all she ever knew. Pain and fear were all she _ever_ knew."

"Guys stop. The only person to blame here for what happened to Nina is her stepfather. I'm not going to deny that we weren't the most welcoming-" Mara started.

"Weren't the most welcoming?" Patricia scoffed. "Mara you're not the one who tried to scare her away from trusting Fabian. You _definitely_ aren't the one who poured water on her in front of everyone and exposed her darkest secret! How many times throughout her life do you think she has dealt with that huh!? Being shamed for the abuse? I thought it was fake. I treated her like she was just trying to get attention. Sure she forgave me, but what I did-"

"What _we_ did Tricia. I'm not innocent here either," Joy replied.

"That panic attack she had in front of all of us at dinner? Was because of _me!_ Fabian was yelling at _me_ to stop being such a jerk, and something that was said triggered her," Patricia growled, and Fabian was struck with the unpleasant memory of the words.

_Shut your mouth, or so help me, I will force it shut myself._

"I was evil! I was...I might as well have been a female version of her stepfather, and I can't believe she can even stand to be around me."

"She wasn't as scared of you as she was of us...because we're guys," Alfie commented darkly.

"Oh can it Alfie! Yeah maybe that was a factor, but you were _nice_ to her! I was...I was...deplorable," Patricia cried and it was then that her housemates noticed the angry tears of guilt and shame on her cheeks. Patricia rarely cried, so when she did it was serious.

"How long has this been going on Fabian?" Trudy asked shakily, unable to listen to the guilt of the rest of the house any longer. In her mind, Nina's current condition was her fault. _She_ answered the door. _She_ told Nina's stepfather where she was. She might not have hurt Nina, but it didn't stop her from feeling like the blood was on her hands.

"After her mother died. He uh...he started beating her when she was four," He choked out. His eyes were squeezed shut and bile was rising in his throat. It had been hard enough telling the detectives what happened. Telling the people who had been his friends for years was heart-shattering.

"What do we...what do we need to be prepared to hear at the trial?" Mick asked after a pause. Fabian was hesitant.

"What did he do to her?" Alfie cautiously continued.

That sentence was Jerome's breaking point.

"SERIOUSLY ALFIE!? Are we really going to pretend we don't know? Why else would she have had a panic attack in our room while we were shirtless and laughing in front of Amber!?" He growled. His own guilt was beginning to consume him as Patricia's guilt had consumed her.

"I-"

"He _raped_ her Alfie!" The words made him sick when he spat them out. Alfie jumped. The dark rage coming from his friend wasn't something he was used to, and he was beginning to feel guilty himself as he remembered that night. "And we sent her into a freakin' flashback all because we just _had_ to pull a stupid prank on her roommate at four A.M., wake her up, and be too freaking stupid to realize what was going on. All because we couldn't even have the decency to put clothes on when we saw them. Sure we can go on, and on about how we had no idea," He scoffed and shook his head before continuing with tears in his own eyes. "In her mind, though she was back in that house...back with-"

"Jerome...you _scared_ her. You didn't _rape_ her. You didn't even touch her. And you _did_ have no idea she would react that way," Amber replied as the haunting memory came back to her.

"SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS US! For all she knew she was about to be... _assaulted_ again," He couldn't bring himself to repeat the word he had spat at Alfie. "She dissociated from our room. She was with her stepfather again. We. Did. That. To. Her," He gritted, shaking with disgust at himself.

"If we're gonna sit here and play the blame game...I'm the one who treated her the worst! None of _you_ shoved your tongue down her throat in drama class even though she was terrified of even a simple touch! None of _you_ threatened her if she didn't go out with you. None of you dragged her to a party, and let your friend drug her, and assault her. He probably would have done worse if _Patricia_ hadn't been there to save her! If anyone should feel guilty? If anyone should hate themselves, it's ME!" Mark roared and the room fell silent. Haru put a hand on his shoulder giving him the strength to continue. "But you know what? We can fight with each other, we can blame ourselves, and each other all day long.

NONE of that is going to help Nina! NONE OF IT. The only one to blame for the last twelve years of hell is her stepfather. Yeah...some of us did and said some really crappy things. But she…" His voice cracked and the housemates were surprised to see him shed a tear. "She forgave all of us. God knows I didn't deserve it, but she even forgave me. The fact is that we ALL care about her, we all see her as a good friend, and if we are going to support her the way we all want to. The way she deserves? We can't break ourselves down or each other. We have to be united. If we're going to hold her up we have to be steady ourselves. No one in this room is responsible for what her stepfather did. _He_ is. He WILL be taken down, but she's gonna need solid ground to get her through this. We are the most durable rocks she's ever had. If we're gonna be there for her to lean on we have to _stay_ durable. We can't be crumbling. We have to remember that no matter what happened we're the ones responsible for her RECOVERY, not her DESTRUCTION."

Jaws dropped at the speech that had just come from Mark Hampton's mouth. Fabian, Amber, and Mara flashed him thankful smiles.

"Mark is...right," Fabian said after a few moments. He never thought he'd be saying these words. "All we can do now is move forward," He looked at the clock. "Visiting hours are almost over, but I'm sorry that this was all dropped on you guys like this. I promise we will keep you updated. The trial date hasn't been set yet, but we're meeting with the prosecutor this week,"

They were also meeting with an adoption agent, but he didn't have the heart to say that yet. Not after the emotional conversation they had all just had. It was too much for one evening.

He could feel a weight lifting off his shoulder at getting it over with, but held his own guilt at the pain it had caused his friends. He knew though, that now that everyone was on the same page her stepfather didn't stand a chance. Nina was a part of their family now and that's how they would get through this.

Together. As a family.

A force nothing would be able to break.

**X**

He had fallen asleep right away that night. The events of that evening had taken every last ounce of energy he had. When he woke up that morning it was 9:30 am: the most he had slept in days. The nurses had already made their rounds, and the room was silent.

Until he heard a pain-filled groan that definitely didn't come from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: She's waking up? We hope so right:) I hope that this nearly 6,000 word chapter made up for the delay.
> 
> Next chapter is the SVU side. We gotta resolve some things before we combine the shows again.
> 
> With a terrifying discovery weighing her down, and her relationship with Elliot on the rocks, will Olivia tell him the truth? Can the partner's work things out? Or has the stepfather successfully severed the eight year bond of our favorite perp-busting, crime-solving duo?
> 
> Till next time :) Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know, I know. It’s been two and a half years. Blame health issues that included two major surgeries, as well as new story ideas that took over the muse, but I’m back! Sorry for the wait everyone. I have future chapters outlined, so this kind of delay shouldn’t happen again. Call it Pandemic cabin fever. Heehee. This chapter is SVU centered because some loose ends need to be tied up before both worlds can come together. 
> 
> A/N: Trigger warning for both the beginning and end of this chapter. Mentions and details regarding rape/sexual assault. Proceed with caution. 

“ _ State your name please. _ ”

_ “Serena Benson.”  _

_ “Tell me what happened.” _

_ “I was raped.” _

Olivia had listened to her mother’s statement before. Once when she first found out about Simon just a few weeks ago, and once eight years ago when she was a Rookie Detective in the unit. The squad had caught a case of a man who had been sexually assaulted and murdered on the roof of an apartment building. The original prime suspect, Ray Gunther, turned out to be just one in a family of criminals. It wasn’t the first case that made her wonder if bad blood could really be a thing, and it wouldn’t be the last. That case though, it turned out to be the brother Jesse who killed the man. He hadn’t been on the Detectives’ radar, but his family wasn’t surprised. 

It was in their blood. 

Or was it?

While that case was going on, Detective Munch had done some digging into her mother’s case, even though she hadn’t asked him to. He had zeroed in on a couple of clues and found a potential suspect. Elliot insisted Olivia let him come with her to talk to the man. Even back then he was protective of her. Their first year as partners, the occasional lingering stare or touch would happen, and they both tried to stifle their feelings. The early days of their partnership before things got complicated. 

Olivia remembered the disappointment she felt when the man Munch found turned out not to be her father. Before she even went to talk to him, she saw him in the window and just knew. She knew it wasn’t him. 

So much for finally getting justice for her mother. 

She had gone home and listened to her mother’s haunting words again herself, wanting to see if she could come up with any answers. She couldn’t. 

That was in 1999.

When Nina Martin was four years old.

The year her twelve years of terror started. 

Olivia tried not to think about the guilt of that weighing on her as she turned her attention back to the tape. 

_ “The a...campus library closed at midnight. I took the shortcut home I always take. It was darker than usual. I was halfway through when something hit me from behind.” _

_ “You were knocked unconscious?” _

_ “Yes. When I came to, I was on a landing below street level. There was a man on top of me. He had pushed up my dress and was…” _

_ “Engaging in sexual intercourse?” _

Olivia cringed as she listened. It was clear cops had lacked sensitivity training back then. Poor Serena.

Poor Nina. 

“ _ Can you describe him?”  _

_ “He had sideburns, and...I don’t know. Everything looked distorted. His eyes w-were dark. It was like he could see right through me, and...and he was smirking while he…”  _

_ “What did he say to you?” _

_ “Nothing. I don’t remember.”  _

_ “Which is it, miss? Nothing, or you don’t remember?”  _ Jesus this guy was a dick. 

“ _ Please I have to stop. Please.” _

Olivia was torn. Part of her was glad the tape stopped there because listening to her mother’s statement was harder than any of the cases she had worked on. Part of her, though, wished there was more. Part of her wished there was something that either incriminated Mr. Martin for certain or debunked her suspicion. Simon had confirmed it, yes, but she was scared to believe it. She would ask for a DNA comparison tomorrow. 

Then, as much as it terrified her, she would tell Elliot everything. 

The sound of the door being opened and shut nearly made her jump out of her skin. She hadn’t realized how intently she’d been listening to her mother recount the worst night of her life, but the fact that she briefly thought she saw their current prime suspect in her peripheral vision made her wonder if this case was making her lose her mind.

She breathed a visible sigh of relief when she realized it was just Elliot. 

“You okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.” Was she okay? That was the most loaded question ever. 

“I’m fine, El. I promise,” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. His worried gaze left hers and moved to the counter. 

“You didn’t take your vitamins,”  _ Oh shit.  _ His tone, however, wasn’t accusatory. It was more like he was simply stating a fact. 

“I-I meant to take them. I’m sorry.” His concern deepened when he saw tear tracks on her cheeks. He sat down beside her, and she noted that despite their fight earlier he no longer sounded frustrated with her. 

“Olivia,” His voice was calm, regretful. “I’m sorry about what happened in the car earlier. I didn’t handle that situation the way I should have. I was scared and worried, but I should know better than to push you into talking to me about something that is bothering you. I was being selfish, and I never should’ve brought our daughter into it, or accused you of not trusting me, or any of that. I’m sorry.”

“El-” Why the hell was  _ he _ apologizing to  _ her _ ? It should be the other way around. 

“Please let me finish?” He noticed the open folder on the coffee table, and recognized it as her mother’s case file. He considered that it might be the cause of her current tears, but that didn’t explain what had happened earlier. “I love you, and I think you are amazing at the job. I do,” He paused to wipe away a stray tear from her cheek. “Sometimes I feel like you push yourself too hard because you think you need to prove yourself, and that scares me. I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. I would never forgive myself if I could have done something to prevent it. The other day...in the interrogation room, I-” His voice cracked. “I felt like my whole world was in shambles. I prayed that night, harder than I have in my life, that you and our baby would be okay. Then the next day I went to the hospital chapel and prayed again. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Elliot I-” Hearing him sniffle cut off whatever words she was going to try to choke out. 

“I know you are hurting. I’m not sure what it is. I don’t know if it has to do with the case, or Simon, or your mother, or what. It...it scares me because for the second time this week I feel like you’re in a situation I can’t protect you from. That’s the worst feeling in the world, Olivia. When you can’t protect someone you love? It’s...soul-crushing. I shouldn’t have made it about me in the car, and I’m sorry, but I’m  _ begging _ you not to shut me out. You don’t have to talk to me tonight, but I just...I want to be able to fix what’s bothering you. I want to help you, not because I think you are weak, or needy, or can’t take care of yourself. I want to help you because you are my better half. You’re a part of me. I love you and I know you’d do the same for me. Please, honey, please tell me what to do.” 

“I’m not trying to shut you out,” Her lip trembled. “I hate myself for the things I said to you and I’m..I’m s-sorry.” 

“Shhh, it’s alright. It’s forgiven.”

“El-” 

“It’s alright,” He soothed and was beyond grateful when she leaned into his outstretched arms, allowing him to hold her. “Whatever this is we’re gonna get through it, you and I. I promise you.” He cradled her in his lap, rocking her as she cried against him. “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, but I just want to ask.” 

“Ok.” 

“Can you tell me why you aren’t ready to talk about it yet?” 

“Because I need to know for sure. I need to make sure I’m right about this before I pursue it.” Alarm bells went off in Elliot’s mind. Pursue it? Like a case? Had something more sinister happened in that interrogation room? Had it triggered a memory of a previous assault he had never heard about? They’d seen this hundreds of times. Victims of abuse, of rape, that seemed withdrawn, had issues with their appetite, were hypervigilant and jumped at the slightest noises. 

He felt sick. 

Luckily, she was able to read him as much as he was able to read her. 

“I wasn’t raped, El,” But she wished it could have been her instead of her mother. She wished it could have been her instead of Nina. She had been an innocent casualty all because Olivia looked for the wrong man in 1999. 

“W-were you-”

“I wasn’t assaulted either, sexually anyway.” He sobbed in relief. 

“Oh, thank God. I thought. It’s so easy to think the worst when you work this job.” 

“I’m sorry I made you worry. I wasn’t hurt. I found out something and I just want to make sure it’s true first. I’m gonna do that tomorrow and then I will tell you.” 

“Please don’t apologize to me, Olivia. Please just tell me what I can do to help you feel better. I’ll do anything you need.” 

“Being in your arms helps.” 

“Good,” He kissed the top of her head. “What else?”

“I’m not ready to tell you why yet, but to confirm what I need to confirm I need to go to the M.E’s office. You can drive me tomorrow.” He was puzzled, but didn’t push her. 

“Okay. Thank you,” They held each other in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. 

“Can I make you some tea so you can take your vitamins?” She laughed at his overprotectiveness, but after the emotional day she’d had, tea sounded wonderful. 

“Yes you can. El?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know,” They shared a smile, and this time it was one that reached their eyes. 

They hadn’t broken. 

They were going to be okay.

For now. 

**X**

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go in with you?” Elliot parked in front of the medical examiner, Dr. Melinda Warner’s office. “Because I promise not to ask questions if I do.”

“I need to do this part alone, but why don’t you get us some breakfast?” Elliot’s face brightened at those words. If she was feeling hungry she must be feeling better than she was yesterday. 

“Okay. Any requests?” 

“Cinnamon French Toast with raspberry syrup, scrambled eggs, bacon, a buttermilk biscuit and a donut,” Elliot kissed her sweetly. He made a mental note to order the same thing, knowing that she would likely eat most of his breakfast too.

“Anything for my girls,” She kissed him again before exiting the car and heading inside. 

**X**

“Olivia, you’re back at work already?” Dr. Warner asked when the Detective came into her office with two evidence bags. 

“I’m on desk duty until the baby is born. This uh...this isn’t for a case though. Not officially. It’s a personal favor.”

“The last time you asked me to run and compare DNA for you as a personal favor you wouldn’t tell me who it was for. You know I have to ask-” 

“It’s better that you don’t know,” Olivia hated keeping secrets from her friend, but she didn’t want their jobs to be at risk either. “If you’re not comfortable doing this I can ask someone else-” She shook her head. 

“I’ll do it. Can I ask if Elliot knows?”

“He will.” 

“I understand why you don’t want me to know, but he’s your partner and the father of your baby. If there’s anyone that should know it should be him.” 

“I know. I will tell him, but I have to be sure first,” Thankfully, Melinda didn’t ask her to elaborate on that.

“Alright. I’ll try and have the results for you by the end of the day.” 

“Thank you,” She dropped the items on the table and left. Both thankful to be a step closer to getting answers and nervous about what it might confirm. 

**X**

As Elliot expected, Olivia ate half of his breakfast in addition to her own. She reminded him again that he was the reason she was having cravings in the first place, so she was entitled to his food. He chuckled and told her she could have anything she wanted as long as it made her happy. She was his Queen. He would have called her his  _ Princess _ , but he had a feeling that would get him a kick to the balls. They were equals in every way that mattered.

When they got to the squad room, Fin and Munch welcomed her back by putting their paperwork on her desk. She groaned. Being on desk duty really meant paperwork duty. Since her partner and colleagues would be in the field, she would be helping pick up their slack. 

She had to admit though, it would be a welcomed distraction from the emotions weighing on her about the discovery she made, and the pending DNA results. 

By midafternoon, she had finished the paperwork for the day and placed it on Cragen’s desk. Then she sat back down at hers and took a couple of the vitamins that were in her purse, swallowing them down with the tea Elliot had brought her with lunch. 

Now that she was done with paperwork she could do some more work on Nina’s case. She would research and see what else she could dig up from the stepfather’s past to nail him. First, though, she called the hospital for an update on her condition. 

She was pleased to hear Nina had woken up briefly, but was knocked out for a few hours after because of the amount of pain she was experiencing. She and Elliot would wait and talk to her once she was fully lucid and comfortable. 

While she waited for Melinda to send her the results from the DNA samples she had dropped off that morning, her thoughts turned to another source of tragedy unrelated to the case. 

_ Kathy’s marrying Peter, Olivia. She wants an annulment of our marriage and sole custody of our kids. That’s why she called the other day.  _

Olivia didn’t consider Kathy a friend, especially after learning she had an affair while she and Elliot were still married. Still, for Elliot’s sake, she hated to think that his ex-wife could be any crueler than that. 

It made her furious. 

It made her furious that a father like Elliot, who loved his kids and would give his life for them, could lose custody while someone like Mr. Martin, who had done the most horrific things one human being could do to another, got to keep his stepdaughter and had gotten away with abusing her for twelve years. The universe had a way of screwing with the wrong people. 

It wasn’t fucking fair. 

She wanted to call Kathy and rip her a new one. Elliot didn’t deserve this. 

Surely she wouldn’t win, right?

Not if Olivia could help it. 

She would fight for Elliot to keep his kids as much as she would fight for Mr. Martin to rot in prison. 

If Kathy Stabler wanted to deny that she was ever married to the hard-working, fiercely loving and devoted, protective, sexy, strong, big-hearted man Olivia was lucky to call her partner, she could do that. But there was no way in hell she was getting sole custody of the four angels he had given her. 

She glared at her phone, trying to resist temptation to call the woman who she found herself hating even more after the latest case the squad was working. 

Kathy was damn lucky that Elliot Stabler was the father of her children and not someone like Joe Martin, or Hollister, or whatever the fuck his name was. 

Before she could make the call and read her partner’s estranged ex-wife the riot act, Melinda walked into the squadroom and wordlessly dropped an envelope on her desk. Thankfully, the Captain was on a phone call in his office, so Olivia could avoid questions for now. 

She stared at the envelope for five minutes, unable to bring herself to open it. She moved her gaze to the clock on the wall. The sound of it became deafening and seemed to taunt her. 

_ Open it.  _ It seemed to say.

_ Open it.  _ 3:06.

_ Open it.  _ 3:07.

_ Open it.  _ 3:08, 3:09, 3:10. 

She was feeling hungry again. Maybe she’d eat a granola bar first and then open it. After all, she was eating for two now. She could blame her procrastination on that. It was reasonable enough. 

_ Open it.  _ Five minutes became ten, ten became fifteen. She knew Elliot would be back soon. Maybe he could open it. 

No, that was ridiculous. She chastised herself. She was the one that asked Melinda to run the DNA. She should be the one to open the results. She huffed in frustration. Her nerves made her hands shake as she opened the flap and pulled out the paper. 

_ Match.  _

The blood in her veins turned to ice. The word caused her to wonder if it had already been ice and she didn’t know it. 

_ Match.  _

_ Match.  _

_ Match. _

She felt sick and quickly went to the bathroom. The contents of the lunch her partner had brought her just a few hours ago almost didn’t make it to the toilet. 

Her DNA was a familial match to one of the worst perps she had seen in her eight years in the unit. 

She wanted to go back to not knowing. She wanted to go back to before she had ever heard of the Martin case. She had always felt like she was damaged goods because of how she was conceived. Putting a name and face with the monster, especially  _ this  _ monster, shook her to her core. 

She knew she needed to control her breathing, but she was struggling. It felt like the air had been sucked out of her. 

She caught a glance of herself in the mirror and the eyes that stared back to her haunted her like they had in the interrogation room. She felt unsteady on her feet as she walked back to her desk slowly. She needed something to grab onto, but there was nothing. 

She felt like she was a wounded animal trapped in a blizzard with no way to return home. 

_ Match. _

The list of terrible things that had been added onto her already contaminated genes swirled in her mind.

_ Rapist, alcoholic, murderer, child abuser, kidnapper, torturer, wife beater- _

Child abuser. 

If she was the daughter of a man who beat, raped, tortured, starved, and nearly killed his stepdaughter, what did that mean for her daughter?

Olivia wasn’t violent, not like her genes would suggest, or was she?

Eric Plummer’s gun hadn’t been loaded when she shot him. 

But he was hardly innocent, her mind reminded her. He had killed three people while stalking her. He had a gun to a woman’s head. IAB had ruled it justified. A good shooting. She didn’t know the gun wasn’t loaded. 

She didn’t know the gun wasn’t loaded. 

_ Cars have problems all the time. _ That was what the monster she had just confirmed was her father had said to justify his wife’s death. 

She had become a cop because she thought it was the polar opposite of what her father had been. She became a cop to fight for justice for people like her mother, like Nina. 

Joseph Hollister or Martin or whoever he was, worked as a defense attorney. 

With that knowledge, could she still say she wasn’t violent if he also worked in the legal system?

Besides, being a cop required use of excessive force at times. Being an attorney didn’t. 

_ “We got real problems here. The lab just got the full DNA report back.” _

_ “Yeah, and? _

_ “And it ain’t Ray’s.”  _ Whispers from that case in 1999 echoed in her mind. 

“ _ Mitochondrial only narrows it down to bloodline. So while it’s definitely not Ray, you are still looking for somebody from that family.” _

_ Like a brother.  _

_ Jesse Hansen. _

_ “We know your brother’s bad, but you’ve been clean your whole life. Can you explain that to us?”  _

He could. 

So could she. 

_ “The only way that Jesse makes sense in all this, is that they’re fruit of the same poisoned tree,”  _ She had told her partner. 

_ “You don’t really believe that, do you?”  _ He had responded. She wondered if he would still feel that way now. 

But Simon wasn’t violent, and he was from the same poisoned tree she was. 

Then again, aside from the fact that he’d been framed, she had only known him for a few weeks. How much did she really know about her brother? 

How much did she really know about herself?

Was she selfish for wanting to have this baby? For potentially putting her daughter’s life at risk because she, like Jesse, could snap one day. She could give into her violent genes. 

Surely she wouldn’t though, right? She’d hit perps yes, but never victims. Never children. 

_ “Where was Ray?”  _

_ “He was...he was still standing in the doorway. He said…’welcome to the family’.” _

Olivia finally made it back to her desk and sat down, wishing the voices in her head would stop. 

_ “I know a thing or two about you as well O-liv-ia.”  _

_ “You heard him,”  _ The ghost of Elliot’s voice interrupted the chilling words the monster spoke in the interrogation room. “ _ Ray was screwing with his brother’s mind his whole life. It had nothing to do with blood. What Jesse did happened because Jesse believed it would. You know that, right?” _

She did, didn’t she? 

Before she could ruminate anymore the door opened and her partner walked into the bullpen. 

“Liv, you ok? You look pale,” He crouched down next to her and placed a hand on her forehead. She struggled to form words. “Are you feeling sick, sweetie?”

“Huh?” She blinked at him. 

“You’re sweating and your skin is cold. I’m gonna take your temperature okay,” She was finally brought out of her trance. 

“I don’t feel sick, El I just-” 

“Is there anything that I can do?” He decided to go that route instead of asking her to talk to him like he had yesterday.

“I don’t know.”

“I can tell Cragen you’re not feeling well and take you home if you want. I can fix you some tea, rub your feet, whatever would make you feel better. Are you in pain?” His tenderness was slowly chipping away at the ice that surrounded her heart. She was again struck by how stupid Kathy had to be to not want a family with this man. “I can get some tylenol.” 

“I need to tell you something,” Rip off the bandaid Olivia. Just rip it off. 

“Okay. Do you feel comfortable talking here or do you want me to take you home?” 

“No, I...I need to tell you now,” He intertwined his fingers with hers. 

“Alright. It’s okay. Squeeze my hand. I’m right here,” She looked into his eyes. His soothing pools of blue were such a contrast from her own dark ones that resembled evil, holding her steady. Like he always had. 

“I found the man who raped my mother. He’s alive.” 

“I wondered if it had something to do with your mom’s case when I saw you looking through her statement last night. I thought Simon said he was dead.”

“I thought he was too. Until the other day.” 

“You saw him. Did he hurt you?” 

_ Technically yes.  _ She thought.

“You already know who he is, El.”

“What do you mean?” 

“The other day...I told you the suspect-” 

“Martin?” 

“I told you he got to me, but not in the way you probably thought,” 

“It seems like this case has been bothering you more than others we’ve had. I assumed it was…” He trailed off before saying anything about pregnancy hormones, deciding now wasn’t the time. 

“I told you I couldn’t elaborate on that. Then everything yesterday happened, and this morning…”

“Olivia,” He cut off her rambling. “How did he...get to you?” 

“Nina wasn’t his first victim.” 

“I know. Her mother was.”

“No she wasn’t.” 

“Wha-” 

“El he’s...he’s done this before,” Her voice cracked and Elliot noticed the paper in her hands for the first time. The ghostly white of her face matched whatever it was and he was afraid to ask. Had she been remembering an attack and was too scared to tell him last night? 

Her grip on his hand tightened and she swallowed hard, trying to fight off a panic attack. Watching his work partner of eight years, who had recently become his life partner of six months, trembling like a leaf worried him greatly. All professionalism was swept out the window as he cupped her cheek in his hand in the middle of the empty squad room. 

“What’s the matter, honey?” 

“I saw his eyes. I saw  _ my _ eyes, Elliot. I didn’t want to believe it because I thought he was dead. Simon said he was dead. That Joseph Hollister was dead and-” Elliot pulled her into a tight embrace and stroked her hair soothingly. 

“Shhh, just breathe for a minute okay? I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. Just breathe for me, Liv,” After a few minutes her breathing returned to normal.

“It’s him, El. I had Warner run the DNA this morning. It’s him. He-he could see right through me and he said ‘I know a thing or two about you as well, Olivia’. Nina’s stepfather raped my mother. It’s him,” She held up the paper so he could see it. “That beast who we couldn’t find a first name for? The one responsible for one of the worst child abuse cases this city has seen in years? 

Is my father.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Boom! Don’t worry, I have six more chapters outlined, so you won’t be waiting years until chapter eight. Next chapter I’m merging the shows again in the combined format the first couple of chapters had. Thanks for reading! Sorry again for the long wait. 
> 
> Also, for the timelines and plotlines to match up, I added a couple of things to Serena’s statement. As well as, for a reason I can not yet spoil, Serena has only been dead for a couple of years instead of eight. You’ll find out later. 
> 
> One last thing, for SVU readers, the episodes that inspired this chapter were ‘Florida, Bad Blood, Wrath, and there’s even a snippet from one of Olivia’s therapy sessions in season fifteen. 
> 
> Happy new year!
> 
> Thanks to definitionofawriter for beta reading for me :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I want to make a timeline correction real quick. In the last chapter, I referenced the episode Bad Blood from 1999 and said that was when Nina was four years old. However, since this fic is taking place in SVU’s season eight (2007ish) Nina wouldn’t be sixteen if she was only four in 1999. Therefore, so ages make sense, the case in Bad Blood took place in 1995. Nina was born in 1991 in this case. Olivia joined SVU in 1994. She and Elliot have been partners for thirteen years instead of eight. Imagine that many more years of tension. Also, in the summary, I wrote that Olivia’s mother’s case was thirty-two years old. That should be thirty-eight years if Olivia joined in 1994. So she was twenty-six when she joined instead of nineteen which is how old she would have been if she was thirty-two in 2007. Ok...that’s enough math for me for today lol. This chapter is rated M because of some sexual content at the end between EO.
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of physical/sexual abuse and PTSD. Proceed with caution.

The first thing she noticed, as her body slowly emerged from the waters of unconsciousness, was the thick pounding in her head. It was as if her skull was asphalt and a construction crew was drilling into her with a jackhammer. That was the most accurate way she could describe how she felt, like a beat-up road at its finale. Her whole body had been torn to shreds and it didn’t seem like it could possibly be repaired. There was no way she could be paved into a new road. She figured she’d permanently be a dead-end street by now. 

There were strangers in white coats standing over her, and then a flash of dark hair, familiar eyes. 

She wondered if Fabian was a hallucination. Like a drowning sailor who had managed to swim to her lighthouse after her ship had sunk. She wanted to reach out, but even though she could see the lighthouse she couldn’t see land. Maybe someone would toss her an anchor. 

That was when she started screaming. 

It wasn’t a high pitched scream, one of fear. It was a deep cry pulled from the gut that emitted pain in every wavelength. The doctors, or were they other sailors? They started moving quicker. Someone jabbed her with a needle, and the person she hoped was Fabian was trying to find somewhere to touch her that wouldn’t hurt her. 

Sometimes though, the anchor didn’t get thrown in the right spot. Because there was no place. Everything hurt. God, everything hurt.  _ Please, please, please- _

“Make it stop. Please, make it stop,” She whimpered. Her throat was too dry to scream anymore. She wondered how it was possible for her throat to feel like a desert when an ocean was drowning her. “Kill me. Kill me, please!” 

Fabian opened his mouth, but the light was snuffed out before she could hear his words. 

**X**

When he fell out of the tree a few months ago, Fabian was sure that was the worst pain he’d ever experienced. His arm had been broken, his back thoroughly beaten, he’d destroyed his favorite guitar on the way down, and developed a fear of heights. It had taken weeks for his arm to heal and he still had some scars on his back from the guitar splintering. It hurt like hell. 

Still, it paled in comparison to the pain he felt when he heard Nina beg for death in her hospital bed. That hurt a thousand times worse than it would have if the fall from the tree had paralyzed him. 

It felt like someone had stabbed a dagger in his heart, ripped it out, threw it into a meat grinder, spit it out, and fed it to a pack of wolves. 

_ Kill me. Kill me, please. _

He’d been trying to find a place to touch her that wouldn’t hurt so he could comfort her, but that seemed to be making things worse. The doctors asked him to leave the room so they could work on her. She would need to be sedated for a few more hours. He didn’t need to watch this was what they told him. 

Yet, he was glued to his spot. He couldn’t move. He was shaking with worry for the girl he loved. Fear consumed every cell in his body. He could feel the agonizing sobs in his chest and he had to hold it together. 

How does one hold it together when someone, who means so much to them, makes the choice to beg for death? 

Something bubbled in his throat and he wasn’t sure if it was a forced breath, a sob, or his lunch. Whatever it was had him racing out the door. He was glad no one he knew was in the bathroom. He leaned over the trash can and heaved a few times. He didn’t want to fall apart here though. It was too public. He went to the front of the chapel, where he’d seen Elliot the other day. He didn’t feel as weak crying in here. He wasn’t religious but it still felt peaceful, private. He sat in a pew and let himself shatter. 

The emotions tumbled out of him in waves. The grief, the worry, the guilt. Everything seemed to hit him at once. He wished he could take some of Nina’s pain and carry it himself, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t and it was killing him. 

After what felt like hours he managed to regain his composure. Amber had texted him and said she’d spoken to the Millers about Nina, so that was a wave of emotion off his shoulders. He hadn’t met the prosecutor yet or talked to an adoption agent for Nina, but he was still holding onto hope that there would be a way she could go back to England with him. 

He went back to Nina’s room. The doctors told her she hadn’t been given enough morphine and that was why she’d been in so much pain. They increased the dosage and she would be out for a few more hours. He sighed in a mixture of disappointment and relief. Disappointment that she wasn’t fully awake yet because he missed her. Relief that she was out of pain but alive. 

He sat in the chair by her bedside like he had every day for two weeks. Keeping vigil to protect her from monsters both outside and in. 

**X**

“How-” Was the first word out of Elliot’s mouth after the shock faded. 

“He faked his death. Simon had no idea. They got a death certificate in the mail and assumed. There was never a body.” 

“Son of a bitch. He’s been at this for decades,” She nodded and looked away from him. 

“El, I...I’ll understand if you don’t want-I mean if you-” 

“If I what?” 

“I’m gonna keep the baby, but I’ll understand if-” 

“What the hell are you talking about, Olivia?” 

“I would never expect you to want a child with a woman who has the genes I have.”

“Liv-” 

“I feel like I’m being selfish by wanting you to stay when you deserve better. I’m damaged goods.”

“Hold on...Hold on! Look at me,” He stopped her before she could stand up. “Baby, I’m so confused right now. What did I say to make you think I don’t want you?” 

“You didn’t! You didn’t, Elliot and that’s the problem. You’re the most faithful, selfless man I’ve ever met,” Her voice broke. “I need to let go of you because I know you won’t leave on your own, and you-” 

“Olivia stop for a second. Just stop,” He wrapped her in his arms. 

“El-” 

“Stop. Please. Please stop trying to move away. I'm gonna hold you and tell you something.” 

“Elliot-” She relaxed in his secure embrace knowing running away was useless. He wasn’t going to let her go that easily. “You shouldn’t want this. You shouldn’t want me. You shouldn’t want a child with me. You shouldn’t-” 

“Stop telling me what I should or shouldn’t want and listen. Please?” His tone was firm but gentle. 

“No, I can’t. I can’t let you waste another moment of love on me,” Before he could respond Munch and Fin returned to the squad room. 

“We’ll finish this at home.” 

“El-” 

“You’re not getting rid of me as easily as you think, Benson.” 

**X**

Olivia and Elliot walked through the door in silence, their demeanor still reserved from their prior discussion. The minute they sat down the silence was broken by Olivia’s groan. 

“What’s wrong? What hurts?” Elliot’s tone was laced with concern. 

“It’s just a leg cramp. I’ll be okay in a few minutes.” 

“Do you want a massage? Or I can run you a bath?” 

**“** El-” 

“Here. Put your feet on my lap.”

“Why are you being so good to me?” She nearly shouted in frustration. “You should be furious with me. Disgusted even.” 

“Why? Because your leg hurts?” 

“No! Damn it! It just makes this so much more difficult!” 

“Okay. You’re mad at me right now for something and I don’t know what it is, so I’m gonna go into the other room-” 

“I’m not mad at  _ you, you _ ass! That’s the problem. I don’t know how to do what I have to do when you’re so understanding. It’s infuriating. Where’s the asshole partner I used to have?” 

“He stopped being an idiot, went to therapy, and admitted he was in love with his partner?” Her only response was a glare. He huffed. “Olivia, I don’t want to fight with you.” 

“You used to.” 

“Okay smartass. What is it you think you  _ have _ to do that I’m making so difficult?” 

“Leave,” She gritted her teeth to keep her voice from cracking. “I have to leave.” 

“No you don’t,” He moved so he was between her and the door. “In fact, you’re not. We’re gonna talk about this.” 

“El-” 

“You want me to be an asshole? Okay, I’ll be an asshole. You’re not running again. Not tonight. Not ever.” 

“Since when do I follow orders from you?” She snapped. 

He sighed. 

“Olivia, please just talk to me. I don’t want us to be me and Kathy.” Ouch, Stabler. Ouch. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re seriously comparing me to that blonde bi-” 

“No. I’m saying I don’t want you and me to be the couple that shuts each other out and fights until we eventually can’t stand to be around each other anymore.” 

“You shouldn’t want to be around me. I’m-” She swallowed the bile rising in her throat. “I’ve always known my gene pool was contaminated, but...this...it’s even worse than I thought. How can I be selfish enough to bring a child into this world knowing how badly I’m gonna screw her up? My mother was an alcoholic. My father is a rapist, a child abuser, a murderer, and God knows what else. It’s a  _ horrific _ recipe and as much as I love our little girl,” She sniffled. “It doesn’t feel right to pass on such a filthy combination.”

“Liv-” He softened at the sight of her tears and wanted to pull her into his arms, but she wasn’t done. 

“You can’t love me, El. No one can. I’m not meant to be loved. This case is confirmation that I never was. I shouldn’t even be-” He cut her off with a deep, passionate kiss that he hoped conveyed just how wrong she was about everything she had just said. His tongue stroked hers like a caress and he wrapped his arms around her securely. Despite the solemn mood, she could feel her body reacting to his kiss. Damn him. 

“First of all,” He punctuated his words with kisses across her jawline. “I don’t ever want to hear the words ‘damaged, filthy, contaminated, or unlovable’ used to describe the  _ love of my life _ ever again. Second, as I’ve told you before, it's not all about the genes. Look how great you turned out. It breaks my heart that you think you and I bringing a child into this world is selfish. You are  _ not  _ going to screw her up. She is part of both of us. She was conceived out of love, Olivia. She has two parents that love each other and her  _ very much.  _ We are not going to be like them. We might not always get everything right. We will make mistakes as all parents do, but our daughter will grow up in a happy home. I promise you.” 

He bit down on and sucked her earlobe between his teeth. The moan he inspired was ragged as he trailed kisses down her neck. He tightened his arm around her waist in case her legs buckled. Her breathing hitched when he gently thumbed over her nipples through the lace of her bra. 

“Third,” He lifted her shirt over her head. “You are not damaged, or unloveable. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me,”. inside and out.” 

She unclasped her bra to give him access to her breasts. Pregnancy hormones didn’t care that she didn’t think she deserved his loving touch. She was craving him. It was agonizing her. It was agonizing him.

It set them both ablaze.

“There is nothing more beautiful than knowing you are carrying the product of our love. You’re giving her life. Enriching it in the way you’ve enriched mine.” Her panties were soaked and tight against her skin as he lavished her breasts with attention. He was careful not to suck, knowing they were more sensitive due to the pregnancy. “I love you so damn much Olivia Benson. There is nothing that will ever change that and I want to prove that to you in any way I can. Every day. Until you believe me.” 

The groan and a smile passed over her. She was his, hopelessly. He was hers, endlessly. It rippled, without end.

“So, that just leaves me with one question,” He planted a few kisses on her belly. “Are your legs still sore?”

“A little,” She choked up at his words. She didn’t deserve him. 

“You deserve the world.” She hadn’t realized that she said that out loud. “You deserve the world, and if I could give it to you I would. Let me get you some medicine to help with the cramps. I don’t want to make love to you while you’re in pain.” 

“I love you, too, El. Thank you.” 

“You never have to thank me for that. Just...please, don’t run. Ever again. It would kill me. You belong here. No matter your past or your genes or whatever. You belong in this apartment, in my arms. Nowhere else.” Their phones rang before she could respond and they groaned. Their night of romance would have to wait. 

“Benson...yeah...ok, thanks, Cap.” 

“We got called in?

“Yeah. Nina’s awake.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: At least they were interrupted by good news? Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Thanks to my beta FragileVixenFic!


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